Breaking His Concentration (Alhaitham x Kaveh)

Chapter 18- I didn't Want to Know

Alhaitham's POV

He was in my arms. He was really in my arms. When I awoke the next morning (Although I hadn't gotten much sleep,) he was sleeping in my arms. I was laying on my back with my clothes off and he was laying on my left arm, and my other arm was rested on his chest. I woke up and wasn't angry, but just trying to understand everything that had happened yesterday. Too many things happened I couldn't even think about it. I tried not to wake him up when I was up, he was still asleep on my arm. I couldn't help but stare at him as he softly slept. He looked so peaceful, so happy to be here. I was just so happy he was alive. Last night was long, I really don't think either of us got more than a few hours of sleep. But laying here with him sleeping on me and being alone with my thoughts made me realize something. There was no chance of finding my sister.

I didn't regret using the Divine knowledge capsule on him, but it made something painfully clear. I was never going to be able to see her again. And just as I finally found out that the Divine knowledge capsule took you to wherever I didn't have one to use. I was so happy he was alive, but the chances of me ever finding her were basically gone. I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to comfort myself but it wasn't working. So for the second stupid day in a row I felt a tear fall down my face. Damn it. I didn't want him to wake up and see me crying. I didn't want him to feel responsible for the choices I had made, and I knew he would if he woke up. But it still didn't fix the fact that there was always going to be a hole in my heart because I didn't know what happened to her. I couldn't control my tears, they were streaming down my face. But I didn't want to wake him.

"Alhaitham?"

A soft voice came from under me. Damn it. I raised my right arm off his chest and tried to brush my tears away before he could notice, but I knew it wouldn't work.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

He asked softly, sitting up and moving his body off my arm as he placed his arms gently on my shoulder. I looked off into the distance, I didn't like anyone seeing me cry. Crying was another emotion that was useless, it didn't give me any benefit in the end other than making me more sad.

"Did I do something?"

His voice broke, I knew his eyes were on me. I didn't want him thinking this was his fault.

"No. You didn't do anything."

I murmured, still not wanting to meet his eyes. I felt a cold hand on my chin, and he pulled my face towards his so I could look into his eyes. Usually I never would have let this happen but I felt so broken. I should be thankful but I was still hurt.

"This is about your sister, isn't it?"

He whispered, and I swear I could see his eyes starting to water.

"I never should have ran away. If I never ran away then this wouldn't be happening and you would still have a chance at seeing your sister.

"No. There's no use on wishing we could change things. We can't change the past. And I don't blame you, Kaveh. I'm the one who pushed you away. This was my choice and I need to live with it."

Maybe those weren't the best choice of words. But I never knew how to talk to him. I didn't understand how he perceived emotions like he did, I never knew what was the right or wrong thing to say. But the way his eyes fell to the ground made me think I said something wrong. His hand dropped off my shoulder, and he looked down onto my bed. I sighed and placed my hand on his leg, this time grabbing his chin so he could look me in the eyes.

"I don't regret my choice. Not for a second. I don't want you thinking I thought of you as an obligation. I wanted to save you. And I'm so glad that I did. But it did come with a price, something I have to pay. Something that has nothing to do with you. So don't worry. I have it handled."