Danny W.
by
I can't understand why he's in this low-self-esteem-vibe nowadays. I don't know what goes on in his mind, but Danny's not the same boy I met when I first started to assist the band as one of their roadies.
Even when he's in his natural setting, hitting the drums, he seems less energetic. That muscular beauty mixed with that exquisiteness only he could portray is gone, and my heart burdens as I stare at him.
I wait for the end of the concert and I step toward the back of the stage. I smile as I remember I'm the only one allowed to disassemble and clean his drum set. His odors are spread all over the air, and I lose the sense of space and time while doing my beloved job. When I grab the drumsticks, I stop by looking at them and slowly rub my fingers on their bodies, trying to get a piece of Danny. I don't even notice there's someone by my side.
"You're takin' too long in here tonight."
His smooth voice sounds behind my back and I feel shivers coming up my spine. I look around and there's no one left on the stage.
"Oh. I lost track of time."
He comes closer and gently takes the drumsticks from my hands. We keep silent for a moment and I can hear his heavy breathing while I feel the fleet touch of his fingers. His eyes are fixed on the floor.
"What's goin' on?" I say. "You're tired of concerts?"
He shakes his head no.
"You know you can count on me for anything, right?" I try to reach his chin and make him look at me, but he disentangles from my attempt. "Just tell me what's happenin'. Please. Lemme help you."
"It's just... Us... You know."
"No, I don't. What's the problem with us?"
"You are... real, Luke. Your attitudes, your feelings... they're so real. And I'm not sure of myself at this moment. I begrudge you."
"What da hell you're talkin' about? How can you be unreal?"
"I dunno, man." He stretches his jaws leftwards as he always does when he's anxious and hits the air with the drumsticks. "I guess you don't know me for real. And I don't want you to get attached to me and end up hurtin' yourself, you know? It's not fair. I don't wanna disappoint you."
"Gosh. How could you disappoint me? You're D. Wagner!"
"That's exactly what I'm saying. You only see me at my best. But this is not me. At my worst, I worry you'll realize you deserve better."
I can't believe those words.
"It's impossible. I love you. And I'm sure I only can love you more if I know you for real. Just lemme. Don't push me away like this."
He looks up and exhales. Then he looks into my eyes and I don't know if it's yes or no. But I'm sure it could never be any better.
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