Adam Sandler Chronicles: Devastation of Nicolas Cage's Marriage

Chapter Uno

Adam Sandler rubs his chin in deep thought. It was a WILD night last night with his best friend; Nicolas Cage. 

It was a dark and SPOOKY night, Nic had invited him over to his shack for a tea party. This is how he usually spends his saturdays. His best friend for forever and ever and ever opened the door and threw sugar cubes at him, "Hey sweetie," Nic screamed.

Adam thought this was weird but proceeded into the tiny hut anyway, "How have you been? Sorry about the divorce."

Nic had recently gotten a divorce from his wife of 50 weeks; Patrick Warburton. It was a huge deal in the movie business, his friend sulked at the mention of it, "I'm still getting over it. The good news is that me and Patty War-War are still friends."

Adam reached across a counter and grabbed a small teacup, "You know, I've been talking to him and he says that he wants you to stop having tea parties with me," Adam said quietly.

Nic SLAMMED his fist on the counter, "THAT IS ENOUGH!!!" he shrieked and threw a sandwich plate on the floor.

Adam took a few steps back and turned around sassily, "I get that you're mad but please don't take it out on the fine china," he sighed while looking for a broom. The 'shack', as they liked to call it, was actually an old outhouse that Nic had converted into a small kitchen, "Do you even have a dustpan?" he asked.

Nic was fuming. "Of course I have a dustpan..." he said with a hint of bitterness. "J-just go home, and have your own tea party," he said as he pushed Adam out of the shack.

Adam took the long way home and spent the whole time wondering what his intentions were. He knew he stirred the pot too hard this time. Once at his huge penthouse, he immediately dialed the number of Patrick Warburton, his next door neighbor.

"HELLO," a super deep voice bellowed over the phone.

"Greetings, it's me, Adam Sandler," he responded.

There was a hesitation, followed by, "OH, THE SIDE CHICK."

Adam felt a little uncomfortable, "Look man, I didn't mess up your marriage. That was all you."

"MEEEEEEE????" Patrick yelled, "NO WAY JOSE."

Adam was taken aback, the tabloids had accused Patrick of having an affair with Owen Wilson. Naturally, he'd assumed that was the reason for the divorce.

"Wait but what about the stuff with Owen?" Adam questioned.

"YOU REALLY BELIEVED THAT!?" Patrick accused.

Adam panicked and hung up on his seemingly mentally unstable neighbor, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt. He should have never brought up the divorce at the shack. He was reaching for his phone to call Nic when his intercom buzzed.

"ADAM! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!! LET'S JUST TALK!" Patrick's staticy voice shouted.

Adam jumped and snuck up to his front door. Through the peephole, he saw the very large actor. He sighed and opened the door a crack. "You're not mad at me??" Adam asked as he noticed Patricks smile.

"OF COURSE NOT, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THE TRUTH!" Patrick responded.

Adam nodded and welcomed the giant into his living room.

"LOOK AT ME ADAM," Patrick yelled, "DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO WOULD COMMIT ADULTERY?"

"N-no of course not. I just thought-,"Adam stammered.

"LISTEN. I DON'T KNOW WHO, BUT SOMEONE TOLD NIC THAT I CHEATED ON HIM AND HE BELIEVED IT. I NEVER DID ANYTHING. DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?" Patrick bellowed.

Adam licked his lips and admitted, "Actually yes, I did believe it. But now I don't. Do you have any leads on who might've done the dirty deed?"

"I DON'T WANT TO POINT FINGERS BUT THAT SHADY FELLOW KNOWN AS MICHAEL CERA MIGHT HAVE HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE RUMORS. NIC WENT TO ONE OF HIS PARTIES AND GOT HECKLED THE WHOLE TIME. I THINK THEY HAVE A GRUDGE AGAINST HIM FOR NO REASON." Patrick suggested.

Adam grinned, "Then I know who to interview next."

Adam grabbed Patrick by his shoulders and said, "Listen to me! I'm going to find out who did this and fix your marriage."

Patrick wiped a tear from his eye and yelled, "THANK YOU ADAM. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS BELIEVED ME."

The two actors said goodbye and Adam spent the night contemplating what will happen at Mr. Cera's house tomorrow. The plan was that he would infiltrate one of Michael's famous house parties and interview everyone of importance that was there. Adam began to feel an overwhelming sense of determination. He WILL get answers.