Deep Bruises of War (Finnished)

XV What is enough

Gentle remainder that this story is for adult readers only.

Trigger warning: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OF A CHARACTER.

In this chapter suicidal thoughts of a main character are mentioned. The opinion about suiside, expressed in the chapter, is one of the character, not mine. It is not my intent to judge or critisise people with depression, PTSD and anxiety. I do not want to encourage anyone to commit suicide. Anyone who considers the topic triggering, should not read the chapter. Mental health is a serious issue and my intent here is only to show, based on my own experience, how a mind of a person with depression can function. Anyone, who experiences any problems or difficulties should seek professional help. If you know anyone who suffers from depression or you suspect so, please ask specialists how you can help.

She was an infuriating child, he really meant it. She fought with him, she tried to prove he was wrong about her and yet she always failed for her Gryffindor temper betrayed her.

But, at least, he got it now. At least most of it.

She was a crushed ship. She wanted to navigate smoothly through the surface of life, show the world how wonderful and exceptional she was and yet... She wasn't. Not in the core of humanity. Because, in the inside she was just like all of them, pathetic fools: heroes, love-seekers, adventurers and chaste knights.

And, like all of them, glorious Titanics – after meeting with an iceberg of cruelty and sinking in the ocean of human blood – she became just another shipwreck.

How it come he haven't spotted it at the very beginning? Was he not only mute but also deaf and blind?

Because now he saw it clear as day: she has done to herself something unforgettable, she sacrificed for that fucking victory not only her teenagerhood, not only her talents and dreams but, most of all, her pure soul.

Damn Gryffindor idiots with Albus bloody Dumbledore at the very top of this pile of mercenary bastards...

Snape was mad. He was mad at the stupid, naïve girl, at the old woman who now cared so much for her young former student but hadn't hesitated before to throw her into the centre of the fucking war and waste her life forever.

Didn't they know? Those bloody assholes. Didn't they see what happens to the children sent to war? Didn't it already happen to them in the past?

Snape might have been a cold, inhumane douche but he also knew what it's like to be left alone, in the complete darkness, to never be understood, to live outside the society...

It appeared that it was what was happening to Granger right now: she had become lately distant to all her friends, since she arrived to the castle, she never went away, even for a day or a weekend to see her boyfriend or the Golden Boy.

But there was a rumour that Weasley and Granger had broken up. Snape had to admit he never paid too much attention to social gossips not connected with his work for the Order therefore, all he heard usually got to him by accident rather than out of his free will. So he considered it as something not worth thinking or mentioning to Minerva, who still hoped for at least some happy endings...

Well she had one, major: Potter and the Weasley girl got married.

Or so he had heard...

Anyway... Granger seemed to him as lonely and abandoned as he was after the first war.

Maybe she suffered even worse, as, unlike him, she had been popular, widely liked and loved with perfect parents, childhood that looked to him happy enough and a group of friends...