On the other side of the pond

Part 7

TRIGGER WARNING: SH

I feel a pressure on my chest and I feel like I'm suffocating. I startle awake and see why I cant breathe. I push my sister off of me and brush my hair out of my face. I start tickling my sister mercilessly and she screams of laugher. No! stop please! She protests. That's what you get for trying to suffocate me! I say as I get my sister's foot in my face. Ouch! What's that on your arm? She says while pointing to my scratch scars. I feel a light panic spreading trough my body. Oh its nothing. I quickly say while I pull my sleeve down. I get out of my bed and check my phone. It was 9:40 AM. You little shit! I could've slept for another hour! I say as I start tickling my sister again. She gets up and slaps my hands off of her and we laugh. We go downstairs to get breakfast.

After breakfast I get dressed and try to study for my math's test. It's about algebra and I have no clue what to do. I try to study but I can't understand a single thing. I grab my phone and scroll trough Instagram. After a while I get bored of that and try to study again but I still don't understand anything and I put away my books. My mom is going to kill me if I get a bad grade for this test but blurred staring at the pages isn't going to help anything either.

TIME SKIP TO MONDAY

Hey girl! Silvana says as she hugs me. Hey! How was your weekend? I ask her. It was good, how about yours? She says even though I updated her about everything that had happened this weekend. I laugh and shrug. It was great, not like you already knew. I said. Silvana smiled and we walked to class. On our way to class I see Ivy walk trough the hallway. A warm familiar feeling spreads through my body and I lift my hand up to wave, my mouth forming a little smile. We walked right past her and before I could even say hi she had passed us. She... ignored me? the warm feeling immediately left my body being replaced by an empty and sad feeling. I looked down and I felt Silvana tap my shoulder. Wasn't that Ivy? Why didn't you say hi? She said. I looked at her and shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know why I felt like this, it wasn't like Ivy and I were friends. We just talked a little that's all. I still think you should put anything in her locker this Friday! Silvana said. I looked up. What's Friday? I asked. Uhh valentines day maybe?! Silvana exclaimed. Oh right, yea. But no! I'm not going to put anything in her locker. I said. We arrived at our classroom and we sat down. Shit! We have a test this period! Silvana said and I began to slightly panic. I'm so going to fail this test! I didn't study anymore yesterday. The teacher came in the classroom and handed out the papers. Lets pray for the best.

The bell rings and I hand in my paper. I didn't even get to finish the test. I looked at Silvana and saw that she had the same defeated look as me and I immediately gave up hope that neither of us were going to get a good grade. Did your test go well? I asked her and she shook her head. I did finish it but I don't think of the answers are right. She said. I didn't even finish it! I said and let out a groan. My mom is so going to murder me! we discussed our answers as we walked to our next class. Today was going great! First Ivy ignores me and then I absolutely fail my test, amazing! I think to myself. I try to make it trough the day and I'm relieved when I hear the bell for the end of the day. I decide to text Noah to see if she can hang out after school.

Messages:

Me: hey! Do you want to hang out? I just got out of school.

Noah not Schnapp: nope sorry! I have volleyball practice in about an hour.

Me: oh alr, have fun! 😊

Noah not Schnapp: thx!

I put away my phone and stepped on my bike. I drove past the skateboard rink and saw Ivy skating with a couple of other people. I stopped for a second to look at how amazing she was. Especially in this cold weather. I cycled on through the cold and thought about the conversations at the pond. Why did she ignore me in the hallway? Did she hate me? was I stupid to think she could be my friend? I got home and parked my bike in the garage. I went to my room and sat down on my bed. I felt alone. I know I have Silvana but I didn't want to bother her. I felt tears rise in my eyes and I let them flow. I was really tired, mentally and physically. I didn't want to do it but I grabbed the pin again. I rolled up my sleeve and looked at the scars that were there already. I put the pin at the same spot and started scratching again. It hurt a lot and sobs escaped my mouth. My arm was bleeding and I put away the pin. I wiped away a tear and walked to the bathroom to get a bandage. I heard my mom and sister come homa and I quickly locked the bathroom door. They couldn't see me like this. Amy!? I heard Flora call me. I wiped away all my tears and put on a fake smile as I went downstairs. Hey Flora! I said and I hugged my sister. Just pretend that everything is fine...

A/N: helloooo, sorry for not updating :( I didn't really know what to write in this chapter but i figured it out and i hope you like it! If you struggle with any type of self harm please contact someone you trust. Feel free to vent <3