Sage's Obsession

~04

I sat near the bar staring at the strippers motionlessly, the lit up club was a disoriented blur and the music was just a background noise as I chewed on my lips listening to only my spiralling thoughts. The elated noises of people's joy pulled on my heartstrings. That could of been me if my parents were alive.

The wailing of the unpaid stripper echoed in my ears and stirred my soul, it was a tune I had gotten familiarised with myself as my soul still wailed the loss every night yet I couldn't cry. No matter how hard I blinked or pressed my eyes closed. It was like since I was the child of the dead now, I didn't know how to function as a human anymore. I don't remember how many sips I had from flask full of vodka but it didn't seem to be working. I still was mentally weak.

Abruptly I was pulled out of my zoning out due to violet snapping her fingers in front of my face. I knew she was getting tired of my behaviour yet she was still here trying to pull me out every time. I glanced sideways at her to hear why she interrupted my thoughts. "I have a few minutes left on my shift, why don't you have a drink ?" She suggested and waited nervously for my answer, gulping like she was scared I'd lash out. I probably should since she apparently doesn't trust me to be alone with myself anymore but I don't have the energy.

"Sure" I shrugged, rotating myself on the stool to face the bar she was working at. I tapped my hand impatiently to distract myself from zoning out again, I didn't want violet to keep thinking I was pitiful. I hope I could pull myself out of this newly habit I had gained of drinking away my sorrow. It only filled the hollow void for some time and after the illusion broke I found myself falling further into an abyss of despair each time.

I shook my head gathering myself before violet turned around and slammed the mixture of alcohols in front of me to check if I was distracted again. I raised an eyebrow at her and she shrugged innocently before going back to tending her other customers. As I outstretched my arm to grab my drink off the counter my phone fell with a loud thump, scaring people around me.

Huffing in frustration and cursing the person who designed women's pockets to be so small, I reached down to grab my phone but it slipped out my hand as suddenly I had fallen on my ass because a drunk women had hobbled into me. She started spluttering incoherent words as her friends tried to drag her away.

My ass burned in pain and my phone's screen was crushed in minuscule pieces that had scattered everywhere like stars. Some even indented themselves into my palm causing a stream of scarlet to drip down my hand. A gust of wind blew past me as stillness overcame me.

The fog in my mind dissipated as I couldn't feel anything, I was just numb even as violet scolded me and helped me up. The scarlet triggered memories I had tried to forget how their blood was red. How our house floor was painted red 15 days ago. How the roses on their grave were red. And now her ears were red. She thought I had disassociated with reality again, and she was starting to get frustrated. I tried to explain but my words only came out slurred. She only looked at me funny in return. It was like she couldn't hear me. No. She was choosing not to listen to me. She thought I was crazy enough to self harm in public.

Annoyance gnawed at me, it was urging me to be violent again. I felt my body shake from how I was refraining myself. My hands were itching with the need to just punch her. I grabbed the alcohol impulsively and gulped it down in one go, stopping both of violet's concerned hands with just one of my own. Slamming the glass down on the counter, I ignored her outraged shouts and pushed past the crowd frantically searching for an exit.

I felt my annoyance douse a little as I spotted a nearby balcony. The responsibility of someone's death was looming over me and my heart felt heavy knowing I was putting his brother, chunky pandey through the same grief I was experiencing. I felt suffocated in my own skin and felt unusually disgusted with myself. I was never this remorseful. Fisting my day old funeral dress, I elbowed and practically tripped people forcefully to get to the balcony.

As soon as I was out the fresh air infiltrated my lungs, making my body relax in peace and relief. Everything felt so clam. So eerie. I felt my body sway to the distant music, feeling light as a feather. My mind urged me to climb the balcony railing, to get the closest I can with my parents. I stood on the brink of death feeling alive. My eyes closed with exhaustion, and my head tilted back welcoming the bruising force of the winds as punishment. This is what I deserve. To fall. To die.

Horrified at my own thoughts my eyes flew open in shock. My eyes didn't adjust quickly enough, dots still filled my peripheral vision as I felt my feet slip. My body didn't seem to be listening to my mind.

I was suddenly grabbed by the waist and pulled into sudden warmth. I felt their heart beat pound from fear against my arm as I was enveloped in their comfort, I found myself leaning against them as my body slumped. I felt my soul leave my body as I was startled by the sudden hit. I groaned in pain as I felt my arm sting and slowly steadied myself on my two feet clumsily.

Someone twisted me around to face him, examining my body for any damage. The face seemed familiar, it was Killian. His grip on my elbows tightening as I tried to move back from him. When he saw I was okay he breathed out in annoyance and fixed me with a hard glare. He coldly uttered something along the lines of "you don't get to die an easy death" but the buzzing noise was overpowering his voice. I tried swatting away whatever bug was causing the noise but only ended up annoying Killian further.

His expression changed as if he was taken by surprise and suddenly started leaning in close to inspect my eyes. "What the fuck?" He spat, his voice brimming with anger. I just stood there mute fascinated by the perfect nose he got because of his white genes. It isn't as perfect as my dick though. "Your a grown woman but your still getting high this recklessly?" He asked raising his eyebrows in disbelief. Honestly I was in disbelief too. Because I just remembered what he did.

"You slapped me!" I practically screeched in outrage. I was greatly offended and the fact that he was scolding me was ridiculous. "And don't you like sell drugs? I'm low-key paying for your bills yuno. Literally what kind of customer service is this!" I yelled angrily, tilting my head up at him in question . My chest rose rapidly from breathing heavily. I felt sweat start building on my forehead. I frowned at my own comeback because honestly I didn't remember taking drugs. And I was unusually feeling as just as hot as my emotions.

"Well you were clinging to me." He snarled with disgust. Unintentionally as he got angrier his grip began to cage my elbows further. His fingers were practically digging into my bones at this rate. He didn't seem to notice me wincing and leaned in close. "We also sell kidneys." He whispered in a low tone. "If I wanted my bills paid by you, you'd have no organs left in you right now." He threatened void of any emotions now. I don't know if his threat had scared me but I felt a chill rattle my bones as built up sweat slowly dripped down my forehead.

He loosened his grip and pushed me back with no to little force but my body seemed to crumble onto the floor. I dragged myself up into sitting position and leaned against the railing, ignoring Killian's hand of help. The buzzing noise was now driving me crazy and my body was shaking. I heard Killian swear under his breath as I felt him press his scorching hand on my forehead leaving a burning sensation to split my patience open.

I was feeling hotter each second I breathed, leading me to aggressively slap his hand away. The heat was irritating me so much that my hands flew to the buttons of my clothes in urgency. But my sweet babysitter Killian crouched a little to wretch my hands away, and grabbed a hold of my legs attempting to drag me on the floor like a dead body. No. My kidneys. I struggled against his grip and kept trying to use my legs to kick his hands away. "You can't keep your hands off me, can you?" I slurred out rhetorically to piss him off. Whatever amount of energy was left was now wasted.

He huffed in frustration and looked down at me in contempt before throwing me over his shoulders effortlessly. I just accepted it feeling drained. The blood in my body rush downwards spreading prickling sensation throughout. I was feeling more lightheaded than before. I think Killian was speaking but I was too busy focusing on trying to keep my eyes open. My eyes felt heavy. I told myself I'd only close my eyes for a second. I couldn't open them again, they felt superglued. My mind seemed to shut down and the darkness enveloped like it's own.