In the mind of a Zulu wife

Chapter 25

I am in Lethu's house to get some of my research that I left in his house. He isn't here right now I know that, he is at work which is why I came here at this time. We haven't seen nor spoken to each other since he decided to be an as*hole, which was 3days ago. The results are coming out tomorrow so there's that. I get to his study and I take my files and my eye catches the ultrasound scan from that day. Its on his desk with a lot of papers I didn't think he would keep it. I didn't take my copy of the scan. I look at it and damn I am going to be a mom again, and truth is I am willing to forgive Lethu for how he behaved because I understand how he must be feeling. I really want to raise this child with him in my life. I know he will be sorry tomorrow when the results confirm he is the father. I take my files and leave the study and Keamogetshwe is here. WTF? What is Lethu up to? She is sitting in the kitchen looking around. I greet her and she smiles when she sees me. "Hello Nobuntu, you live here?" She asks. "No I don't actually I just came here to fetch this. It was lovely seeing you again." I say and I walk away, and just then I bump into Lethu he just came from outside. His eyes are on mine as if he is staring into my soul and I am feeling anxious with this, and I am kind of upset to see his ex wife here. "Hey." I say and I walk away.

I am getting déjà vu from all this, it feels like I am in this never ending cycle, I keep doing the same things over and over again. I expect different results each time but I am dating and marrying the same man over and over again. I don't even know what's going on between him and his ex wife, I don't even know why she is here but this feeling is familiar. "Buntu what are you doing here?" He asks. "I thought you were at work since its your last week you are very busy so I thought you would be there." I say. I look down avoiding his eyes, my eyes are now glassy I am close to tears. "Oh okay I see. Are you okay?" He asks as if he is worried about me. I just simply continue with my walk and I increase my walking speed. I can hear him walking behind me so I stop and I look at him. "What's wrong?" He asks. I finally look up to him and he is worried about me. "Nothing." I say. "Use your words Buntu nothing is not a word we use you know that." He says. "Lethu what is your ex wife doing in your house?" I ask. "She is here to get some work files." He says. "So you invite her to your house? How did you even think that was a great idea?" I ask.

"You broke up with me remember? So you don't get to do that." He says. "Lethu f*ck you, okay f*ck you." I say and I walk away, this time he doesn't run after me. Argh I am a mess right now and I have to meet the ladies that will be taking care of my kids and my house. I decided on getting two people to help with that, one will be taking care of the house and the other will be taking care of the kids. I will still be a present mom just reducing the time I spend on running errands and chores use it to focus on school and other things family time remains family time. I get in the house and I head to my study/ home office and I put my research together I am done with research now its time for me to actually start writing my dissertation and wow I have no idea where to start, I have to talk to my supervisor about this. I organise the research in a way that I think it would be easier to find for me. I have also collected data from real life situations in accounting spaces and that was a bit challenging because most people don't want to participate in things that don't even benefit them.

I hear a knock on the door so I rush to get the door. I open and its 3 ladies 2 are my age or just a bit younger. Then the other one is my wedding planner, I haven't cancelled the wedding. I sure hope we will resolve everything before our wedding day because its actually 2 weeks away and that's soon. I know I broke up with Lethu but it doesn't mean sh*t, he knows I love him and I was angry when I said what I said. I let them in and I ask to talk to the planner privately. "So we made all the changes to the décor and these are the cakes I think will match your whole theme." The lady says she looks excited. "You know I don't even know if the wedding is still happening. My fiancé and I are kind of not getting along for now, but thank you for all your hard work and should we decide to end things you will get paid in full, and we will pay for the things we ordered, booked and bought. I just hope we fix things because I love that man, and this misunderstanding we are experiencing right now shall be resolved I hope." I say and she simply smiles. "You will sort things out. You love Mr Xaba and he loves you too I am sure you will fix things. I will email you the cakes so you can chose one that you like it seems I arrived at a bad time." She says