Only Broken People

Letting Go

                                                                        A week later from the funeral...

"Thanks for meeting me here Am"

"Why are we here?"

"Because we are going to let go"

"What do you mean, James?"

"You are going to tell me what happened and then-"

"Then what James"

"We will forgive and let go Am"

"I can't, it's too hard to talk about, and how can I forgive myself? It's all my fault"

"No it's not Am, tell me, what happened?"

I tell him, everything, from the argument about University to the car crash, everything. It felt good to tell someone everything, other people only knew bits and parts of the story, and how I felt, but I told him everything.

"There, that's everything," I say, wiping away tears.

"Thank you for telling me, now, step 2, why do you think it's your fault?"

"What a stupid question," I say laughing it off.

"I'm serious Am"

"Fine James"

"Because I could have gone with them, said sorry, not made them leave, there are countless things I could have done but didn't do, leading to them dying"

"They chose to go"

"SO ARE YOU BLAMING THEM, THAT THEY ARE DEAD!" I yell in an outburst. 

"No of course not"

"I'm saying there was nothing you could have done, if you were in the car you would have died, there is a reason you are here"

"What?"

"You can't have stopped the car from swerving into your family"

"You can't have stopped them from dying"

"Were you going to go get dinner anyways around that time?"

"What are you saying, James?"

"I'm trying to prove that there is nothing you could have done to stop the car crash"

"I see"

"Do you see what I mean Am? It was going to happen either way if you apologized if you went with them" I nod.

"It is not your fault Am"

"Ok"

"I'm serious"

"Yeah I know it's not my fault they died, but I still feel guilty for not apologizing"

"That will live with you, you have to learn to forgive yourself, and you might have to keep forgiving yourself because it's not even of if you failed a test, you lost someone, you just got to forgive and live with it"

"Thanks, James"

"Anytime."

The End.