The President's Paramore

Episode 36: Performance

SA tanong ni US Senator Grecilla ay pareho kaming natahimik ni Yven. Natameme talaga kami. Para kaming naging bato na naparalisado sa simpleng tanong lang. We just found ourselves staring back at each other as if the answer on her question can be found on each other's faces.

And swear, at that very moment, I want to just dig a grave for myself and bury my body there forever! This situation is too embarassing for me to handle! I really can't manage this!

But then, Senator Grecilla laughed gently. Tama ang mga nababasa kong article, kahit sa personal ay intimidating talaga ang babaeng ito. Tipong kinakausap niya lang naman kami ng casual pero para sa akin ay para na kaming nasa isang thesis defense. Iyong dapat ay maipaglaban sa kanya ang aming papers dahil buhay namin ang nakataya doon.

"Don't tell me, you failed to think about it first before you chose to enter her life?" Ang pagsasalita muli ni Senator Grecilla.

Nagpatuloy lang talaga siya sa pagsasalita na para bang isang professor na hindi hahayaang makawala ang kanyang students nang hindi napapahiya. "Zabiana is a reporter and you, President Yven is the leader of your country."

She is really fearless when she asked Yven straight to his eyes, "what if along the way, Zabiana discovered something nasty that is going on under your governance? You know? That nasty thing that we, politicians, are so afraid for the public to know?"

That . . . hit me big time.

Ngayon ko lang naisip ang lahat. Ngayon lang talaga biglang naging maliwanag sa akin ang lahat ng maaring kapalit ng relasyon namin na ito. Sa patuloy niyang pagtatanong ay unti-unti rin na lumilinaw sa akin ang kanyang punto.

And I am starting to get anxious by it. I am now overthinking. Bigla talagang sumulpot ang hesitations sa puso ko patungkol sa kung tama pa nga ba ang nangyayari? O baka sadyang hindi ko lang iyon makita sa ngayon kasi hulog na hulog pa ako kay Yven?

But clearly thinking about what Senator Grecilla is trying to impose on our minds, it really looks like there is really a problem that is going on.

This relationship might really cause my integrity. Because when I chose to be a reporter, I already promised myself that I am going to report nothing but the truth. That no matter what happen, I will always be true to my core and to my conscience. That my job to deliver an authentic news will be as clean as I want it to be.

All my life, I wanted to be that reporter who will be remembered as someone who tells the truth and not a lie. Someone who is trusworthy for the job. Someone who will be respected because she stayed with her true colors. Because she will not get swayed by any nuisance that will come along her way. She will stay on her ground to deliver nothing but real news.

And sadly, I may not be able to do that now if ever Yven's name is at risk. I may not be able to do the things I used to do for the sake of him. Kasi iba na ang scenario ngayon. Hindi na lang sarili ko ang dapat kong isipin. Hindi na ito para lang sa sarili kong kapakanan.

Pero biglang naputol ang malalim kong iniisip nang biglang magsalita si Yven. Hinila niya ako mula sa beywang ko at lalong idinikit ang katawan sa akin. Hinaplos niya ang likod ko na tila bang pinapakalma ako. Pero bakit tila ngayon ay siya talaga ang may kailangan niyon?

"Zabi and I both respect each other's privacy, Ma'am." Ang baritonong boses ni Yven. He is now caressing my waist with his thumb when he chose to just continue, "and that means our work will never be a talk for us. What we have on our job stays on our workplace. We both love each other that we will respect our boundaries. You know? When it is confidential, we will never push each other just to spill it because after all, we are just all about the intimacy and the personal things that's surrounding our relationship."