Heroes dont get happy endings. [DILUC X F!READED]

Chapter 4

Reading is something I typically enjoy, but on occasion, I find it difficult to bring myself to do. Sometimes, my fingers seem stuck to the pages, as if I am hesitant to turn them and see what comes next. I question why I am behaving this way, but realize my own thoughts may be the very reason I struggle to read. It feels like my mind is controlling me, leading me to wonder if my thoughts are even my own.

 At times, I worry that I am merely a puppet controlled by someone else. What other reason would my own thoughts not make sense then. Am I hallucinating thoughts of my own from a book I've read? I wonder if my thoughts, if they even belong to anyone. I begin to question whether my body is even my own, as it seems to respond to my thoughts in strange ways. 

 This leads me to contemplate my interactions with the world and wonder if that defines who I am.

 If I am not my body or my thoughts, then... my interactions?

 If no one is here to observe me, do I even exist? If I were to cut my body in half, which half would I reside? Is my sense of self nothing more than an illusion? These thoughts make me wonder if the thoughts I experience may belong to someone else entirely, perhaps even a person I have imagined.

Because if I really owned my self, if I really was my own.. then why do I not have a companion, a lover, a friend or even family. Why do I not recall having felt loved or having to love. I have never had, or recall to have someone to be dependent on. And like-wise no one has ever been dependent on me.

Tell me, for I speak to you and to you only reader, What does it mean to be truly dependent on someone?