Unconditional Feelings (Heesun)

11

Heeseung was missing something inside his untied heart. He was missing love. He never really felt a longing, or feelings for anyone. The only person he had loved in the beginning was his mom. As a child, Heeseung had learned not to share about his personal life.

His parents would boast about his perfect grades and perfect behavior. He was known as the 'child that every parent wanted', which had always left Heeseung feeling unsettled and unfamiliar. He always asked himself: "Who am I?"

"Heeseung-ah, you need to be understanding and be smarter than the others. You need to know that mommy and daddy are always correct, and you should always listen to us. If you don't, then you'll end up like the beggars and the faggots. Understand?" His mom crouched in front of him and ruffled his hair. She had a soft smile on her lips, which would seem so mother-like from a stranger's perspective, but Heeseung knew who his mom really was. She was a cunning woman, with high ambitions and iniquitous that would seem almost inconvincible for someone else.

"Mom, why should I listen to you and daddy? All you do is lie to me–you hit me–you punish me...so why, why should I? All the other parents are always cuddling and holding their children in their arms in the movies–SO WHY NOT ME?!" Heeseung wailed, he was bawling. He aggressively wiped his tears and faced his mom. "I'm not a stupid 5-year-old anymore, for fucks sake, I'm 14 now! I'm not the same anymore! Don't you get it....?" His voice trailed off, he was sniffling; his eyes were red, and his nose was runny and seemed out of place. He felt miserable. "Why do I have to live like this?! WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE HIM?! HOW CAN HE LIVE LIKE THAT AND I CAN-" He got cut off, as he felt a sting on his cheek.

"How dare you yell at your own mother, Heeseung?! Just because you're 14, it doesn't mean that you can raise your standards and go against us. You were born this way–so you will stay this way." His mom stood up and stomped away. He stood there, baffled. 'I can't believe I used to trust such a bitch.' He scoffed and wiped the blood off his cheek.

He slammed his bedroom door open and jumped on his bed, staring at the plain white ceiling. He kept thinking of a certain someone.

"Sunoo, how can you be so happy that way?" He mumbled while heaving a sigh. He stood up again and grabbed his hoodie and wore it, hiding his face with the hoodie. He grabbed his air pods, and headed outside, not sparing a glance at the bodyguards and the workers scheduling plans for the next days.

He walked to the nearest store to get something to eat–or maybe to smoke, but wasn't sure if it would be possible. He saw a store at the corner and acted like a normal person. He grabbed some cookies and chips from the third aisle and walked over to the cashier. The girl by the counter scanned the items, while Heeseung was gazing at the various packs of cigarettes.

"That'll be $8.23–" She halted. Just then, Heeseung's phone rang; the love alarm app was ringing, and the girl seemed to have noticed so she coughed and awkwardly stood there, observing the hot male in front of her.

'What If I...' His thoughts trailed off as a sly smirk was plastered on his lips. "You're kinda cute, can I have your number?" Heeseung spoke in his deep voice, and it seemed to have worked since the female worker was blushing madly. "I-I, y–yeah!" She took her phone out of her pocket and handed Heeseung the phone. "By the way," Heeseung typed 'his' digits in and peered at the worker in front. "Can you hand me that pack of cigarettes behind you, the purple one with the golden logo on it?" Heeseung smirked. "C-can I see your id first? I can't let you have it unless you are of age." She softly smiled. "I'm 18, a senior at the school nearby here, and I've seen you here many times–but I'm surprised you've never seen me before, I feel hurt." He knew it was working so he continued smirking.

After what had seemed like a few seconds, she decided to give in and handed him the cigarette packet. "You can find me at the school. I'll be waiting for you." He winked at her last time before walking out of the store. He had the love alarm installed but never really used it. His love alarm would go off, but he knew people admired him because of his looks.

He stared at the cigarette packet in his hands and decided to give it a try. He pulled out the lighter that he had stolen from one of the aisles and lit up the cigarette, hesitantly putting it between his lips. He felt a sudden wave of his chest tightening and he immediately started coughing. (I don't really know how it feels when someone smokes for the first time, so this is based on my assumption.)

"Shit, I wasn't expecting that–but okay, it's kinda... weird. How do people even like this?" He threw the cigarette on the floor smashed it, then strode away.

Present

"Sunoo-ssi, hand me your pencil real quick, I'm too lazy to get a new one just to write this down." Riki's voice echoed through Heeseung's ears, waking him up from his trance. 'He's always flirting with him ever since he arrived.' Heeseung scoffed and looked away, feeling his chest tighten.

It's been a few weeks, and Heeseung hadn't really done anything to Sunoo. He wanted to stay away from him for a while, he felt as if he would get in his way again. Why was he feeling this way? He doesn't even know himself. He glanced back at the two and stared at Sunoo.

"Here, and you better give it back–don't chew on the erase Nishimura Riki." Sunoo pointed his finger at Riki, puffing his cheeks. In response, Riki just snickered and shook his head. "I won't, I won't don't worry." He peered at his paper and wrote down the answer to the equation. "Sunoo hyung, is this how you do it?" Riki asked while shoving the white paper near Sunoo's arm. Sunoo gently grabbed the paper from Riki's grasp and carefully surveyed Riki's steps and answer.

"I can't watch this anymore! I'll see you after school Sunoo." Heseseung smirked as patiently waited for the day to end.

✿

"Class dismissed! Do your homework! I'll be checking each and everyone's!" The teacher yelled as all the students ran out of the hell room. Sunoo messaged Riki, once he had reached outside the school. While waiting he felt paranoid for some reason. 'Is someone watching me?' Sunoo tightened his grip around the strap of his bag. He was visibly shuddering–feeling goosebumps rise all over his body. He nervously glanced around the area but perceived nothing but silence–other than the honking of the cars, and the chirping sing-songs of the birds.

He heaved a frustrated groan, and was about to walk away, but then felt a tight grip around his right arm. He turned around to be faced with the one and only, Lee Heeseung.

"Heeseung hyung...? I–what are you doing here?" Sunoo wasn't as nervous anymore. After what had happened on Monday, Heeseung avoided Sunoo in embarrassment and so did Sunoo; he was too nervous to approach Heeseung, he didn't want to anger the latter.

"I haven't seen you in so long, did you think I forgot about you?" Heeseung smirked as he started dragging the younger along with him. His tight grip was strong compared to Sunoo's. Sunoo yelped in fear, trying to wiggle out of the grip again. He was panicking! He was on the verge of tears. 'Is he going to hit me again?' Sunoo felt the urge to let out a sharp scream, but his throat felt croaky and dry.

Heeseung kept dragging Sunoo along with him until they reached his house. Sunoo felt his breath hitch upon the sight. 'Why did he bring me to his...house?' Sunoo tilted his head in confusion and turned to face the older."Why are were here?"