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Zia
My mind is overflowing with thoughts of the events that has occurred over the last few days. Everything is overwhelming me to the point where I just want to run away for a little while and clear my mind. I need to get away for a few days to come up with a clear, concise plan on how to end up this situationship I ended up in. I recognize that I definitely played a part in this and the guilt is eating me up. I should've never even let a married man get that close to me in the first place. Me tempting him the way I did definitely only added fire to the fuel.
As easy as it is to quit, I know it won't be that easy and I'm dreaming if I really think he'll let me go that easily. I need to find out exactly who I'm dealing with. I need to find out what fucked him up so bad. Maybe then I can find a way to get through to him and end this the right way once and for all.
The sly, dirty looks I've been receiving from Delilah instantly let me know she knew. Well, she knows something. The guilt is starting to eat at me, just a tad. I'm just waiting for the day she tells me to get out of her house. Until then, I'll continue to collect my check for the next two weeks.
As bad as I want to vent and get this shit off my chest, I can't. I have no one to turn to and it's driving me crazy. Harlee is Delilah's sister and I'm pretty sure she's gonna wanna fight if I tell her what really went down between me and her sister's husband. Karina warned me to end it before it went too far and I completely ignored her advice. My pride won't even allow me to call her. I just gotta suck it up and put my big girl panties on and deal with this shit head first. No more letting his penis think for me. Time to think with my head and not my vagina.
After making sure my door was locked, I laid back on my bed and took a deep breath. I couldn't the evil look on Torrance's face after our last conversation. Should I be scared for my life?
Salty tears crept down my face. I'm so ashamed and disgusted with myself right now. I've been the type to be dick dumb and especially over a man that isn't mine. I don't know why I can't seem to resist this man. I hate him so bad and I know what we did was wrong, but it hurts so bad not to have him the way I really want.
There was a soft knock on my door, but I chose to ignore it already knowing who's on the other side of it.. After discovering that the kids weren't actually coming home tonight, I decided to just retreat to my room because I don't want to be anywhere near the James' family right now. In my little bubble is where I need to be. I need to think.
"Who is it?" I asked softly.
"Who else? Open the door," I recognized Torrance's deep baritone that used to send sensual chills down my spine, but now makes me stiffen with fear.
"I just want to be alone, Torrance. Please," I responded.
"Zia, open the door," he snapped.
I sighed heavily before getting up from the bed. I slipped on a hoodie and some sweats over my shorts because neither one of us needs the temptation right now.
I unlocked the door and let him in. He came in and quickly closed the door behind him.
"Leave the door open," I ordered.
"No. We need privacy," he replied, dismissing my demand rudely.
"No we don't. In two weeks, I'm out of here so what do we need to talk about? I know what we did was wrong and that's why it's over."
"You're not quitting. Legally, you can't," he smirked, as if my ignorance of how contracts worked somehow amused him.
I sighed, "My father has a great lawyer who will happily get me out any contracts worked up by your sleazy ass!" I spat.
"Just don't leave, Zia," he pleaded, softening his tone and I thought for a second I saw a glimpse of light in his eyes.
"I have to, Torrance. One day, you'll understand why. We can never be together and we can't seem to leave each other alone so it's best I get out of your life forever," I sighed.
"Zia... I can't let you go. I'll go crazy if you leave me. You're one of the first people to treat me like.. normal in a long time. I'm drawn to you, baby.."
A wave of sadness washed over me as I come to a realization that I have not the slightest clue on how deep Torrance's feelings for me really are.
"You have a wife, Torrance. This can't happen. Not now, not ever again. I'm sorry if I led you on, but I just don't feel the same," I lowered my head.
"You don't mean that, Zia," he spoke.
I tried to read his facial expression - hurt, anger, disappointment?
"Please don't make this hard for us, Torrance. The sex was good, but it was nothing more than that and you know it."
His jaw clenched as he took a deep breath. He walked over to me with anger written all over his face. His fist were balled up and Genuinely scared of the man I've been sleeping with.
"Calm down, Torrance. You look crazy right now.."
He gripped my arm and yanked me into him causing me to let an accidental gasp. His tongue grazed neck, but I held my breath. I wasn't doing this again with him.
"Torrance, please," I pleaded, "I can't. I won't."
"You can fight it all you want, but deep down you know that you know that you'll always be mine."
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