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Torrance
The doctors say I'm making improvement and that I'm getting better, but no one can seem to tell me when the hell I'm getting out of here. The fact that I'm locked up in here while my family is out there living life without me is crushing me inside. But I have to keep playing the part. I have to keep making them think I'm their yes man because that's the only way I'll make it out of here.
The medicine they shove down my throat everyday is supposed to make forget, yet I remember everything so vividly; exactly as it happened. Instead of making me forget, they make me feel numb, but it intensifies my anger even more. My anger for Zia and my anger for my ex wife for taking my children away from me.
Instead of expressing my concerns to my doctor, I just play the part so I can get the hell out of here. The longer I stay in here the more I lose sight of who I really am. Some days I don't know if I wanna be Torrance or Liam. Sometimes my mind can't decipher the real me and that scares me sometimes.
The steel door clicked open and I sighed knowing this is the nurse coming to bring me my daily dose of poison.
"Meds," she announced blandly, handing me two cups. One with the pills and one for water.
She watched my swallow and even made me lift my tongue afterwards. They must've caught onto me faking my meds.
I hate these nurses in here. They put on these fake smiles and pretend to care, but they're really just here to collect a check. A man of my status shouldn't even be subjected to these conditions, but money and power means nothing in the eyes of the law when you're a black man.
"You're lucky I don't feel like causing any shit today," I scoffed.
Ten minutes later, she came back and instructed me to quickly get up.
"Let's go. I caught him right before he was leaving. You got lucky, kid."
I smirked and followed her as she escorted me to the doctor's office.
The infamous Dr. Aaron Welch.
He sat behind his desk with a bored expression written all over his face as if this is the last place he wants to be right now. That's just too damn bad cause he's going to listen to what I have to say.
"What seems to be the problem, Liam? It couldn't wait until our next session?" he questioned.
The nurse stood behind me before safety purposes.
"Well..Doctor Aaron Welch. If I'm not mistaken, you promised me out of this fuck hole a long time ago as long as I take my medicine and follow your rules. I'm not quite sure why I'm still here, but I can assure I'm healed and ready to be reunited with the sunshine."
Which is a bold-faced lie. I'm almost positive I'm better off in the real world. This place would drive any perfectly sane person crazy.
"I don't think you're ready. Simple as that," he answered blandly.
His short-handed answers are what's making me mad. That's what sets me off about this place. Everyone talks to you as if you're beneath them. As if you're not capable of holding a mature conversation, it drives me fucking crazy. I'm Torrance fucking James.
"What have I even done to get here?! Nobody has proved I did anything to anyone so what the FUCK do you mean I'm not ready?!" I challenged, rising to my feet.
The nurse quickly came up behind me and placed me back in the seat. She gave my shoulder a squeeze which let me know if I lose my temper again I'm out of here. This is my only chance to get the fuck outta here and I don't care if I have to kill everybody around me, Aaron Welch is going to listen to what the fuck I got to say today. Here and now!
"Do you remember what do you disclosed to me during your last session, Torrance?" he raised an eyebrow, gripping his clipboard tightly.
"Yeah," I scoffed, "I remember exactly what the fuck I said."
He nodded, noting it down.
"So you remember us talking about getting back to your true self? You stressed to me how you wanted to feel like Liam again. Liam is who you really are. Those words came out of your mouth."
I scrunched my face up in confusion, "What the fuck are you talking about? Who the hell is Liam?"
He nodded observingly and scribbled some more things on his notepad.
"This is what I mean when I say you're not ready and this is how we know you aren't taking your medicine properly. You're still showing signs of confusion when it comes to your true identity and that alone is what determines your release."
"I don't know what you mean.." I replied.
He sighed, "Okay, okay. Let's try this. Since you believe Torrance is in control right now, can you tell me about Zia?"
Every time I heard her name, it's like a light clicks on my mind.
"Zia was my nanny," I shrugged.
"Is that all she was to you, Torrance?" he pried.
"I mean.. we messed around a few times, but I later realized that may have been a big mistake."
"Explain. Tell me about Zia and the extent of your relationship with her and maybe we can get somewhere."
I sighed heavily, "She was more than just my nanny. She was the love of the life. The light in my life that I needed. I haven't been happy wife in over five years and Zia came in like a thief in the night. I couldn't resist her no matter how hard I tried. I tried giving her the cold shoulder. Hell, I treated her like shit for the longest because I didn't understand my attraction to her."
Doctor Welch almost looked intrigued as he nodded and wrote at the same time. He gestured for me to continue.
"And then when we made love for the first time, the attraction grew even stronger. So strong I had to have her all the time. I no longer cared about Delilah's feelings because she treated me like a prisoner in my own home anyways. We both knew our marriage was long over, it was more like a business arrangement. It was too much to file for divorce especially with us having two kids, but I guess that doesn't even matter. Zia made me feel seen in some weird way and I guess that's why I felt like I just couldn't lose her. Especially to another man. I didn't even get a chance to make things right with her because I let my mind get the best of me and I don't know if I'll forgive myself for that."
So Torrance has a heart.. lil bit of foreshadowing for y'all.
