Expectations from people made me feel pressure and the pressure built the void. In high school each friend I made was friends with me because of my giving nature. When I realized it I stopped loving them because I thought they should love me like I should . In our second year in SHS I lost my dad and felt sick later that year and missed my entire school year. Due to this I had to change schools and leave home for school . Most people mourn for long when their father's die but for me I got over him in less than a week but I later realized I wasn't over him . I just didn't know how to go through grief and tried as much as possible to ignore it. So in my new school I decided to find a different kind of love hoping it will fill my void. I decided to get a boyfriend but was always scared to have sex. My first real boyfriend was Thomas. He was the one who broke my virginity few days to my 18th birthday. He told me there is nothing like love without sex . Though I tried as much as possible to deny it, with time I gave in but that didn't let him stay or love him. He left me like everyone else in my life but for him when he left he gave me an addiction. I was addicted to sex. I didn't get involved in a relationship, all I wanted from any boy that came my way from them was sex because I was scared to hurt again. I assumed because Thomas couldn't fill my void, maybe sex could. I began to have sex with random strangers I met after a short while of texting . It got to a point in time I couldn't even tell my body count because I didn't keep track of the boys. Some people will describe this as my whore phase of life but I beg to differ. I was just a confused girl trying to find love from strangers hoping that my long felt void will be filled but like always I was wrong.
After few encounters I decided to settle with the first boy who sent me on a first real date; Shaddrack. He was one in a million . He knew how to treat a woman to love him. All he gave me was love but there came my insecurities in collaboration with my addiction, I cheated on him and didn't treat him right. Later on I broke up with him but we later came back together and things got funny and interesting.
My next chapter will be more of my love life with regard to relationships.
Stay tuned and please like and comment on my stories .
