Beyond the Dulocian Gates (Glenn Quagmire x Lord Farquaad)

The Flight

    As Shrek hangs up the phone, he turns to Donkey. "No time for questions, just follow me." he says. Donkey agrees without hesitation. He trusts Shrek with all of his heart and now thanks to Farquaad, this was legally binding. Shrek looks at the boarding gates chart and sees that the flight to Bonaire is gate 069. Donkey, who now understands where Shrek wants to go, says, "That's all the way across the airport!" Shrek looks around. Shrek's logistical instinct forwards his attention to the cart near the bathroom. "Follow me, Donkey!" Shrek exclaims as the couple runs towards the cart. Another couple, one who looks like a 12 year old girl and one who looks like an oaf, also charges the cart. Shrek pushes the oaf and Donkey does the same to the man who looks like a 12 year old girl. Later the couple would find out this was Shane Dawson and Ryland Adams. Even this faint interaction was memorable as they smelled so distastefully pungent in a way that will haunt Shrek and Donkey for ages to come. Shrek drives the cart to its maximum speed. In no time, the couple reach the gate.

         When it is time to scan the boarding passes, Shrek starts to panic a bit. He knows that this is a different flight, therefore, the boarding pass won't scan. What he didn't know is that his friend will always have his back. You see, Duloc is a major investor in international air travel. Despite this, Dulocian flights can only be found in one airport. This airport is the one that has trapped Shrek and Donkey. This allows the ruler of Duloc to have access to the airport's computer system. These fellows are lucky as the ruler of Duloc happens to be their new best friend. Across the ocean, in the small empire of Duloc, Lord Farquaad's computer technician named Greg was hard at work. He entered the computer system of the airport and allowed for Shrek and Donkey's boarding passes to work.

Shrek and Donkey find seats beside each other. "Good afternoon passengers. Thank you for choosing Trisha Airlines." announced an obnoxious flight attendant. "I am Trisha Paytas" she continued. "Today's flight is three hours long and will be landing in Bonaire at 7:30pm. A small dinner will be served." The couple looked at each other. "What are we going to do?" Donkey asks Shrek. "We have to redirect the plane to Duloc." Shrek looks around his surroundings as that always initiates his greatest ideas. He directs his attention towards the call button. A light bulb lit above his head. If he could convince the perky flight attendant to allow them into the cockpit, he could then persuade the pilot to redirect the plane. "Follow my lead, Donkey." instructs Shrek to Donkey as he nods in response. "As always, my love" Donkey looked at Shrek in a distinct romantic manner. Shrek redirecting a plane was so out of character for him. He almost hesitated pressing the call button, but this romantic trance Donkey had on him made him confident in his choices. He was to do this, not just for Donkey, but for their love and the bombastic energy between it as well. He pressed the call button as Trisha Paytas quickly attended to the couple. "Hello, welcome to Trisha Airlines, I'm your flight attendant Trish-" said Trisha until she was cut off by Shrek who said "Yes, we heard your little announcement," in a condescending tone. "Okay....What can I help you with.?" said the now annoyed flight attendant. "Can we go to the cockpit? It's an emergency!" Shrek said with a fake concerned voice. "Well, that is typically unorthodox, what is the emergency?" Shrek stopped for a moment to think of a lie. He, again, took in his surroundings for an idea. "Uh- We have a niece....who..uh.....wants to be a pilot!" Shrek looked at Donkey to take over, he was awful at lying. Donkey continues, "Yes, her name is Sarah and she wants to talk with a pilot on the phone, it's her life long dream?" Trisha rolled her eyes, "Well you can tell your niece to wait until she meets a pilot on her own because that is not possible on a Trisha Airlines flight." Shrek and Donkey panicked until Shrek took the floor and desperately called, "She's sick! She won't live to see another pilot...." Both Donkey and Trisha looked at Shrek with surprise. "Oh my god! How long does she have?" Trisha asked with upmost empathy for the fibbing ogre. "Uh- 4 months.." Shrek stammered. "Well, you can tell that little girl that Trisha Airlines is going to make her day! Follow me to the cockpit, both of you!" Trisha declared. The couple followed Trisha down the tight aisles of the plane.

     "Glenn, some visitors need to come into the cockpit!" Trisha demanded as she knocked on the cockpit's door. "What?! Okay let them in, I guess." Quagmire said, not paying attention as his eyes were on the sky. Shrek had carved a shiv out of a pencil using his teeth. He had it hidden in his pocket. As Trisha left to attend to other passengers, Shrek held the shiv to Quagmire's throat. "Ah!" Quagmire screams, "Who are you!?What are you doing-" He is cut off by Donkey shoving his dirty sock into Quagmire's mouth. "Now here's what's going to happen..." Shrek begins with his antagonistic directions, "You are going to redirect this plane to Duloc. Have you heard of it?" Quagmire shakes his head to indicate the answer 'no'. "Very well," Shrek continues as he points on Quagmire's map, "It's over here. We are going to remove the sock, if you scream, I slit your throat. If you make any indication to your team that we are here, I will not only slit your throat, but I will eat your eyes." Quagmire nods in terrified agreement. He just had been saved from certain death on the street out of chance. He was not about to waste his second chance at life for some pilot pride. Donkey removes the sock from Quagmire's mouth slowly. "Your feet smell like an unwashed ballsack." Quagmire remarked and both Shrek and Donkey give him a bloody stare.

   "Why are you guys doing this?!" Quagmire asks. "Love." Shrek whispered. "Why would love drive you to such extremities as aero-terrorism?" Shrek, still holding the shiv to Quagmire's neck, says, "You don't know how hard it is to love as a Dulocian." Quagmire starts to empathize with his captors. He would have never done this before, but today had made him become a person who recognizes that things aren't so black and white. "Well," Quagmire remarks, "I probably don't know how hard love is at all. I'm not exactly well versed in the art of romance." Shrek looks at Donkey, while still holding the shiv to Quagmire's neck, "I just know that I would never do something like this if it weren't for love. I will love Donkey until I die and I will not rest until our love in official in the eyes of the law." Quagmire then realized his captors were actually lovers and saw his situation in a different light. "You guys are lucky to have each other." Quagmire depressingly added. "I know." Shrek says.

    Shrek was about to begin another monologue about how much he loved Donkey, until extreme turbulence hit the plane. Turbulence not even Quagmire had seen before. "What is happening!?" Donkey faltered. Quagmire looks around for an answer to Donkey's question. He sees the machine that indicates the amount of fuel on the plane and realizes that the machine had a big, red zero on it. "We're out of fuel!" Quagmire exclaimed. "WHAT?!" Shrek roared, "Aren't you a pilot!? How could you let this happen!?" Quagmire pushed Shrek off his neck, so he could manage the control system. "I only had enough fuel to fly from Quahog to Bonaire! Quahog to Duloc is over 3,000 miles more than the distance between Quahog and Bonaire!" Quagmire exclaimed. Shrek and Donkey held on to random objects in the cockpit. "Okay," Quagmire said, "We can crash in Duloc, if we survive you will live your happily ever after, but that is extremely unlikely." Shrek and Donkey held each other and kissed as if it were going to be the last kiss. "We should take the chance." Donkey pleads, "Love is about chance. It is about faith. I believe love will destroy the odds." Quagmire grabs the phone to make an announcement to the other passengers on the flight, "Passengers, we are going to crash. It is not likely you will make it, so hug your loved ones tight and say goodnight...Quagmire out."

    The plane soon crashed on Dulocian soil, just outside the palace gates. The plane smelled of burnt bones and steel and five silhouettes remained. One of the silhouettes ran around, looking for their loved one. "Ryland, Ryland!" screamed what was now recognizable as Shane Dawson. "Shane!" exclaimed another one of the the silhouettes, "He's gone, everyone else is gone." this was then identified as Trisha Paytas. "We made it love, we are in Duloc! We are married!" Shrek and Donkey danced insensitively to Shane, who had just lost his dear fiancé. Glenn Quagmire then stepped out as the final survivor. "Okay, where do we go?" Shrek and Donkey turned around and exited their bubble of excitement. They saw the plane. They saw Shane grieving. He was pleading to any god that was of existence to kill him, so he could be with Ryland. They saw Trisha trying to comfort the grieving as she was distraught as well. They smelled the bodies. Everything went dark. "Guys..." Glenn said, "Where is the empire?" Shrek cleared his head. He had no time to be emotional. He was the logical one, so he had to do what he thought was logistically correct. "Follow me." Shrek said sternly as the rest of the survivors followed.