𝟏𝟏 | 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

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this chapter comes with a smut warning x


𝐀𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐀 𝐀𝐋𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐙

Darkness suddenly overtakes all of my senses. My eyesight is blurred, but more on the dark side of things. All of a sudden, I'm going deaf. Except, a ringing noise is constant, edging closer to me. I can't feel my body. I can't sense anything. I attempt to look around, but I can't, yet I feel like I'm being watched. I'm strapped to the bed, weights piling endlessly onto my stomach. The more I try to move, the heavier they get. Something's weighing me down.

Panic.

My lungs are restricted, they can't expand enough to take in my breaths.

I'm losing myself.

Slowly.

I shoot up from my bed, gasping for air. My hand clutches the material of my shirt, and I'm sweating, it's almost like I'm drenched in it. Drowning even. I look around and I'm put at sudden ease with seeing the familiar surroundings of my room. I feel the sense of eyes watching me, their presence raking up my spine. However, I'm alone. The camera isn't here, so it can't be papá.

My body is still tense even after the five minutes it takes for my breathing to go back to normal. Recently, all I've been doing is losing my breathing pattern. One minute I'm completely fine, the next I'm suffocating and I can't do anything to help myself.

This only happened a few times during my childhood, and each time my father would look at me like I've been possessed and shrug me off at any given chance. As for my mother, she'd try her best at comforting me, even if she was high on all the drugs she used to take. My brother tried his hardest though. He told me to focus on solely him, and it worked three times out of ten.

However, now I'm left fending for myself, in a pitch black room. I look over at my phone, and it reads 02:49. Coming to terms with the fact that I probably won't get anymore sleep, I get up and shuffle my way out of the door, ignoring the ice cold feeling of the tiles meeting my bare feet.

As I make my way down the stairs, cautiously avoiding the creaking tiles, I'm met with even more darkness and I soon realise that it was a stupid idea for me to not bring my phone. All I can see is the silhouettes of the inanimate objects, the light from the windows reflecting off of them.

I let out a sigh as I reach the kitchen, and unconsciously my stomach lets out a sound that indicates I'm starving. And only in this moment do I realise that I haven't eaten a proper meal for a couple of days. My hand is met with the cold touch of the refrigerator handle and I pull it open, the illuminous light brightening up almost the whole room. I shut my eyes automatically as I look into the fridge, trying to adjust my eyesight to the light.

An unconscious smile brings itself to my lips as I admire the heaps of food stuffed into the numerous sections of the fridge and I reach for my favourite thing that I see. Tiramisu. My stomach growls in delight for around the fifth time as I search for a spoon so I can fulfil my immense cravings.

I sigh as a toss my bag into the corner of my dressing room, unlike the days when I normally come to the club, Austeja isn't here. And I can only imagine that she's probably stuck at school, considering she's 18 and she's yet to graduate.

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