🕊️Believe Yourself🕊️

Nobody has ever heard Ella's voice. She is quieter than a mouse that lives in the walls of a house. And when she enters a room, Ella could feel everyone staring like she is the only flower during spring that hasn't bloomed.

Maybe they're talking about her like they know that it's her mind that she is about to lose? At least that is what she hates to assume. But why should Ella care at all? Summer is coming soon and she has other things to worry about too.

Ella has to begin her preparation. Not to hide her emotions from the nation with such determination not to be noticed. How can she get her boat to float when it has many holes? That she doesn't know.

There are many opportunities she thinks she has blown. But all she really wants is for all her pretty colors to show, but that's not the way how life goes because no matter how many times Ella hides, the greyscale colors are what people are gonna find. 

Everyone will see the black, grey, and white. And when they do, Ella will think she did nothing right. But why? She has been working on herself all this time. What is left to work inside?

There are times when she wants to cry. And she feels so pathetic late at night. She doesn't want to cause any fights. Conversation with people who are nice is enticing, but is not a bated hook she would bite.

Why, oh why does she act so nice? She should instead be polite. Stand up to bullies without a fight. But she knows she shouldn't pay attention to those bullies as they are worse than head lice. 

Instead she should focus on the homework that is assigned to her tonight. Submit it before eleven and with the citations written right. And citations are something she hates to write, but homework is not something made to be enjoyed.

In her head she makes up a person in her head named Floyd. A person who is nice, somebody who she considers a friend. Someone who doesn't make a toy with her emotions. Somebody who doesn't complain about her lack of noise.

But the thing is that her perspectives are unrealistic. In fact, her views might seem a little toxic. She wants to be friends with a man who is perfect. Someone who could read her mind by simply looking at the expression on her face. That's somebody who is worth her time.

Ella is not my friend. I never got the chance to know her, but it is not right that she continues putting herself on a pedestal. She has this instability that's emotional and slowly its getting her insane, in all driving her mental.

This is not something she should stall. She shouldn't be waiting to fall and get to places in a steady crawl. If she keeps this negative mentality, in this world she won't be able to make it at all. But if she keeps giving herself less and less credentials, where is the respect for herself?

Why do you have to go around in stealth? Don't you know you can just be yourself? We might not know the cards you have been delt, but I know it's all just the insecurity you've felt. You don't have to keep hurting yourself  by putting yourself in a position where you're left out.

Every single time someone tries to reach out to you, you build a wall to try and prevent it from happening. You think laying down the law, remarking the boundaries along. But tell me Ella... when is enough, enough?

Don't you know you're safe and sound in a crowd? Thinking about this now makes me feel like you're acting like a circus clown. Making people laugh even though you don't need to communicate talking out loud. You don't even know what life is and you are doing nothing but pout.

It's about time that you stop, Ella. The insecurity is killing you slowly. Stop pretending that you think you know me, because you don't. You don't know how far I can go just to prove you wrong. But I know it's not worth my time, but it doesn't matter if I set you right.

I am not trying to get in a fight, I am just trying to set you straight. It's not too late to change. But just remember, the world doesn't revolve around you today nor any day.

Think carefully about what you're about to say. For your isolation and thoughts, you have only yourself to blame.