19 Years

WARNING! THIS STORY CONTAINS MATERIAL INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO: Rape, implied underage sex, underage drinking, and roofies/involuntary drugging.

If any of those themes bother you, please read with caution!

I'd also like to apologize in advance for the formatting on this because it was written to go on Ao3 (I suggest reading it there instead. My handle is the same) and contain elements like strikethroughs. WATTPAD has absolutely butchered my formatting.

I'd also like to state that I'm dyslexic and mistakes sometimes slip through even after proofreading 50 times, so please feel free to point any errors out so that I fix them. Thank You!

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Kakashi is sixteen years stupid when he decides that there's clearly something wrong with him and that the only way to fix it is to fuck everything within ten feet that he doesn't have personal and/or work ties with, because according to everyone he knew you're supposed to get all hot and bothered when around attractive people and the fact that this wasn't the case with himself was considered to be yet another abnormality that made him stand out from his peers. He was also sure that it was the topic of gossip amongst said peers when they were sure that he wasn't listening, just like every other fault he had. Unfortunately, -and painfully obvious why in his later years- his endeavors not only didn't work, but had only served to confuse him more the harder he tried.

Where was that intense zing everyone talked about?

Yeah, he'd developed crushes on people sometimes, but those mainly consisted of the I want to read my books next to you and listen to you talk kind of crushes, not the I want to tear your clothes off and ravish you kind that the older members of ANBU often chatted about in the locker room and that he'd only experienced a measly once or twice on a significantly smaller scale than he'd been expecting.

Why was he, once again, the odd one out? The freak?

Kakashi is seventeen years stupid when he discovers Icha Icha for the first time, front and center in an adult book shop that he most definitely wasn't supposed to be in, and he bought it out of sheer curiosity, Jiraiya's name on the cover immediately drawing his attention. The pages were filled with dirtier escapades than he'd thought humanly possible and the dialogue often made his fair skin blush a deep crimson under his mask as he read the pages again and again and again in awe. It was also at this time, and thanks to that damn book, that he'd finally realized that he'd had relationships all wrong and that they were meant to be something dear and precious, and that what was really important was how you and the other person connected, not how horny looking at each other got you.

That's not to say that the books themselves didn't elicit a certain response from him, though, the characters in them making Kakashi feel needy in a way that actual people didn't. It was... odd , and it made him feel even more out of place, especially when he'd had the bright idea of mimicking one of the scenes that turned him on the most with an older woman and it had felt just as empty as his previous attempts at sex had.

Why was it only good when he was reading the books and not with actual people? It made absolutely no sense to him, and so he found himself, much like before, trying it again and again to no avail, the realization he'd had previously being buried underneath a pile of desperation, a need to be "normal."