Twin Souls: The Story Behind The Broken Roses

Chapter Eleven: August 18, 2014

Tegan Seech

The entire world felt like it was far too much, and that wasn't a feeling that Tegan was ever comfortable existing in... It was something that made her always feel like she was going to crawl out of her skin, it made her angry and upset and it made her feel like she was fucking buzzing, and she didn't like feeling like she was buzzing, it made her bones ache.

She tried to take solace in the world around her, in her friends talking about something, but all she could think was that they were too loud, that their laughs sounded deafening and that their mouths sort of clicked when they spoke, like their teeth were clicking or like there was too much saliva in their mouths.

Salvia in your mouth... Ugh don't think about that... Don't ever think about that... She grimaced as she covered her ears, flinching from the touch of her own hands as she curled into a ball, trying to ignore the sounds of bugs around her, the feeling of wind on her skin... She wasn't even sure what was causing this aside from leaving her headphones in the cabin on accident...

She was pretty sure that she couldn't talk right now... She knew that she couldn't, it wasn't something that was going to happen, the words felt like they were trapped inside of her, and if they weren't she knew that she'd be speaking too loud, that it would sound like she was yelling at her friends if she told them to shut up, and that wasn't something that she wanted... It was hard enough to make friends, she didn't want to scare them away with her words...

Separate. Separate. Sometimes that helps, just walk away. She got up quickly and found a corner, settling down, trying to ignore the slight grit of dirt when she sat down, the overly cool feeling of the stone in comparison to the the muggy August weather, the way that the wood was too scratchy and splintering.

Health hazard for sure... but she was pretty sure that most things at this camp were health hazards, no one seemed to be checking up on it, that was for sure. She stared at an oak tree just outside of the stupid fucking pavilion, watching it's leaves flutter in the wind... It was a strong one, she could probably climb it and sit in the branches and no one would even find her...

But that had been a problem last time, her friends had all been worried about her which had been weird... No one was even supposed to notice she was gone, so why had they noticed that she was gone?

Her skin lurched at the change in the air as she tucked her head between her knees, trying to breathe as she tapped out a rhythm on her leg, feeling embarrassed that this was happening over nothing.

People are so embarrassed of you, you know... You're a fucking freak... She'd heard that a thousand times before, and it felt even worse coming from her own mind, but it wasn't as if it was really something that she could control, right? Her internal monologue rarely liked her... It was like seven layers of screaming mixed with some random music and then an aggressive amount of tree facts... They spilled out sometimes, and people often found it annoying...

But if she could shut up forever she would, that was what they didn't understand... But the words had to come out, just like sometimes they couldn't leave her lips... It was confusing, she needed her brain to make up it's goddamn mind.

Beside her, she heard someone sit down and flinched from the noise of them settling down, but she recognized the breathing pattern and the subtle scent of a flower she'd never smelt anywhere else before... Emma.

"Tegs... Hey, what's going on? What's happening right now?" She asked, and Tegan shrugged, staring down at her knees... She wanted to tell Emma that she was fine, that she could go away... But at the same time she didn't actually want her to leave, she just wanted everyone to leave so that she could breathe for a second...