Twin Souls: The Story Behind The Broken Roses

Chapter Eighteen: October 2, 2014

Esme Panchek

TW: This chapter discusses child abuse both physical and sexual and has triggering language as well as verbal abuse.  If any of this is something that will end in a triggering experience for you, I would not recommend reading it.

Esme's heart was in her throat when she got her test back in math with the giant circled 'F' at the top and the note that said see me. She knew what that meant, she always knew what that meant - at least for her. In class it could mean that she was going to have to meet with the teacher before tests to ensure that she had everything down for it, or it could mean detention or having to redo it all... At home?

At home it meant that her father was going to knock her fucking skull around until she was sure she had a concussion, something that she'd been trying to avoid so that she didn't get benched in soccer... Granted, with another 'F' she probably would end up benched either way, but at least that one was academic and easy to explain. She couldn't exactly tell her coach 'sorry man, sometimes my dad likes to use me as a human punching bag and he threw me into a wall last night. My bad.' She'd have to make something up, and the meds were making it very hard to make things up.

They were making it hard to do anything at all... Math was already hard for her, but this was just not helping at all.  Once the bell rang, she approached the desk with her head hanging down as she looked at her feet - Mrs. Kent was very nice to her, but she still feared that someday she was going to do something that would make her luck run out and would result in her becoming a failure in another person's eyes... She just couldn't stand that.

She hated how much everyone had already given up on her... Like sure, she'd given up on herself as well, but it was just harder knowing that this was a universal thing, that everyone had given up hope... She just wasn't worth it.

"You wanted to see me, Mrs. Kent?" She mumbled, sliding the test across the desk without looking at her.  It was easier that way, it was easier to know that someone had lost any and all respect for her without her having to see them while it happened... She'd had the look enough, she could infer what Mrs. Kent's face was.

She was probably frowning, frustrated... Her eyes were probably harder than they usually were, and her hands were probably folded in front of her, completely closed off to any conversation or any understanding.

Just like everyone else.

"Esme, yes." She kept her eyes trained on the grains of her teacher's desk, running her fingers over the bumpy fake wood, trying to keep her anxiety on the inside where it belonged - she was already scared enough about what her father was going to do to her over this, she didn't know how she was going to keep it together while her teacher told her what a fucking failure she really was. "Hey, can you look at me for a minute?" She asked, her tone gentle and kind, the same way it had always been, which Esme found surprising.

She looked up, clearing her throat... If you're gonna tell me how disappointed you are in me, can we just get it over with? I'm sure I've got even worse waiting for me at home.

"What?" She asked, watching Mrs. Kent's expression turn impossibly softer... She already looked like a disney movie type of mom, her face round and soft, her hair slightly graying... Esme called her mom once, which was the most mortifying thing in the whole world, but all she'd done was tell her that it was okay.

She was too kind for this goddamn town.

"You're not in any trouble or anything, I'm just worried because you were doing really well on the tests at the beginning of the year and your grades have been steadily dropping... Is there something going on at home that we should know about?" She asked, and Esme shook her head quickly, straightening up as she dug her nails into her palms.