I Don't Forgive You

Two

25th December 2017

23 days ago my brother died, 3 days ago I said goodbye to him and then slept with his best friend, 2 days ago his best friend left me cause he thought it was best for me. I turned 17 today, and the two people in the world that make my birthday actually feel special despite it being on Christmas Day aren't even here. At least Parker has a good excuse.

"Happy birthday to you, happy bir-" "Maman pleaseee!"   I yell from under my pillow. next thing I know she's storming her way into my room. "Lylah James if I want to sing happy birthday to you I will, it's my right as your Maman"

"Maman I'm not quite sure that's how it works, and I appreciate you trying to make this day feel special but I'm not in the mood to celebrate." I try to continue hiding under my pillow but maman grabs it from me in one swift move. "Is this about Lyle flying back to England to begin training for next season?"

"No."

The morning after my brothers wake my parents asked me what felt like a million questions about where Lyle was. Instead of telling them that he took my virginity then decided it was a mistake and his dream was too important, I opted for a white lie and told them he had to fly back to England to start training for next season. They seemed to believe it although he wasn't due to go back until after new year. They never expected him to give it up and were probably just happy that he wasn't letting Parker's accident affect his mentality about racing. I mean it's been both of their dreams since their first time karting at the age of only 6.

"Sweetheart, he shouldn't stop following his dreams because Parker died." All I can do in this moment is let out a loud groan. I never once said I wanted him to give up his dream why does no one believe me that I'm okay with it. "Maman please, I love you but I am not in the mood to celebrate my birthday or Christmas. I just want to sleep an-" "well at least open your present."

I'm not really in the mood to open any presents, birthday or Christmas. I only agree to it because then hopefully my Maman will leave me alone for the rest of the day. About 5 minutes after I admit defeat to her I eventually sit up against the headboard of my bed. "Here you go sweetheart." "Merci Maman."

She nods her head towards the present sat on my lap, clearly eager for me to open it. I make it a point to open it slowly just to cause her a bit of frustration for  disbursing my peaceful morning.

"Wow Maman, this is the journal I wanted to get the weekend of Parker's home race." It's so beautiful, yellow leather with little pink butterflies scattered up the spine. I can't believe she remembered, I mean now I think about it I don't think she was with Parker and I when I seen it so I must of mentioned it to her. "Open the first page"  I look at her suspiciously but open it nonetheless.

Lylah,

Oh my god, I know this messy handwriting. It's Parker's handwriting.

I know how much you want to start writing your own book, and when you seen this journal I thought why not get it for your birthmas even though it's months away.

I love how he used to call my birthday, birthmas because of the unfortunate fact it was also Christmas.

Here's an idea for your first book-

Parker Tobias Hart - formula one world champion in the making!

Anyway, hope you love it Ly!

All my love,

Your handsome big bro x

I couldn't even finish reading before my lash line started to fill with tears. This is going to be an emotional birthmas.

"Thank you Maman, this means the world to me." I was incredibly lucky to have a brother like Parker. He always had my back, and always paid attention to the tiniest of details, I think that's what made him such an amazing formula one driver. Before his accident happened he was on his way to finishing 3rd in the drivers championship in his first ever season.

"You're welcome sweetheart, please don't sit alone all day and make sure you come down and eat at some point." Before I could even reply my Maman quickly squeezed me from the side and left my room.

I haven't eaten much since Lyle left because I don't really have an appetite, and when I do eat I just feel sick. When I say left I mean took my virginity and left me a note saying he wasn't coming back. He stayed with us everyday since Parker died, but before that he'd only stay some of the time the rest he spent between races and his parents house. I wonder if he's at his parents. You shouldn't care Lylah, he left you.

—

At around 6 o'clock my Dad finally came and got me for dinner, I wasn't really in the mood but I also didn't have the energy to argue with him. Our family hasn't eaten a typical Christmas dinner since I was 7 when I decided that the day was my day and I'd be damned if I ate the same meal as every other family in America. Well maybe I never said damned at the age of 7 but you get the point. Anyway, since then my birthmas dinner has always been my Maman's famous Croque Monsieur, it's basically just a grilled ham and cheese but with béchamel sauce.

Dinner was quite. I thought my Maman would put up a fight after I only ate one half of my Croque Monsieur,
but she probably feels guilty that it's only been 3 days since we said goodbye to Parker.

Before I can make my way up the stairs back to the comfort of my own bed the door bell rings. Normally I hate answering the door but I oddly find myself running to it like Parker going to be in the other side. Or Lyle. As soon as I swing open the door I just stand there confused. No one is even there, am I going crazy? I'm sure I heard the door bell, I quickly step outside to make sure that no one is there and to my surprise there's a small gift bag on the top step, with yellow tissue paper sticking out. My favourite colour, I smile to myself until I realise, Lyle was here.

I lazily bend down and pick the gift up, and shout to my parents that it was some kids who must of ran off. I would much prefer to open this gift in the privacy of my own room, who knows what it could be.

I rush up the stairs and quickly into my room, making sure to shut the door behind me. After I gather myself I make a beeline for my bed and throw myself on it as if my floor was hot molten lava. It didn't take me long to rip the tissue paper from the bag and pull out a tiny box that looked as though it contained some sort of jewellery. Nice Lyle, break a girls heart but buy her expensive gifts. I quickly open the box to reveal a gorgeous silver bracelet with 3 charms. The first charm is my initials LJ, the second is the number 37 which was Parker's racing number (he picked it because it was the month and day I was born added together) and the third was a heart with my birthstone on it.

Don't get me wrong it's a beautiful gift, but it's hard to appreciate the beauty of something given to me by the person who ripped my heart out 2 days ago. Once I carefully place the bracelet back into the box I notice that there's a message on the inside of it.

Happy birthday Lylah James.
I hope you get everything you wished of and more, you deserve it.

Love,
Lyle x

What a jerk.

—-
Authors note :
Hope your enjoying the first couple of chapters!
It won't be long before we jump to the present time, but in the meantime these chapters might be a little fast paced!
Please leave any feedback, I'm still trying to figure out my writing style as this is my first story but I'm hoping that it isn't too bad and there aren't many mistakes!
Don't forget to comment throughout and vote, it's greatly appreciated!

<3 Kels