I Don't Forgive You

Three

9th March 2019

A lot has happened in the last 15 months since my brother died. I lost my virginity, we moved back to France so my Maman could open the bakery she always dream of. I seen Lyle again. Only once though. We didn't speak. I decided to write a book about Lyle breaking my heart. Oh and I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Delilah Parker Hart.

Yep that's right Lyle got me pregnant. Lyle doesn't know he got me pregnant and I plan to keep it that way. When I found out I was pregnant I was, let's say shocked.

Flash back
16th February 2018

I hated hospitals, maybe even more than funerals. It wasn't anything to do with them being morbid or full of dying people. I swear I'm not heartless. It was because they made me feel trapped whether I was visiting or a patient.

I'd been here for about 2 hours because I fainted while helping my dad clean up the garden for moving house. I was responsible for dismantling the old tree house, the new owners probably wouldn't appreciate the worn down structure the same way we did. When I was sat inside I remembered all the happy memories I shared with Parker as kids and even Lyle. Then I remembered how we spent that night together and how he left me. Instead of dismantling it in a calm and mature manner I decided to use my Dad's old axe and started to smash it to pieces. Like I said I struggle with my emotions, I just snapped.

Anyway long story short I fainted, the axe fell on my foot making a tiny gash and now I've been sat here waiting for what feels like an eternity. I think I was just so overwhelmed and tired, maybe even a little dehydrated that my body just collapsed from all the swinging about I was doing with the axe.

"Ah Miss Hart, how are you feeling?" The middle aged doctor asked. "I feel fine, can I go home now?" I replied with pleading eyes. "Well I have a few questions to ask you first before you can head home, would you like your mother to stay?" He asked flicking his eyes awkwardly between us both. I was a little confused as to why he thought I would need privacy from my Maman but I shook my head, if I ended up needing stitches I'd rather my Maman was here.

"Okay, so we ran some tests, are you eating properly Miss Hart?" I looked at my Maman, as she returned a knowing look. "It's been a hard couple of months but I think I eat enough" I respond, lying about the latter part of my reply. "Are you aware you are pregnant Miss Hart?" Immediately I turned my head to my Maman who was in just as much shock as myself. Suddenly this room felt way smaller than before. "I will take that reaction as a no. Miss hart it appears you are around 8 weeks pregnant." Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"I-Is the ba-aby oka-y?" I ask nervous of his answer, my Maman is still staring at me since he told us I was pregnant, probably thinking of a million questions. How is this happening to me. Well I know how it happened but still, why. "Your baby is fine, but I suggest you start eating properly and stop swinging axes about. Your foot shouldn't need stitches, just keep it bandaged up and elevated for a few days." I just nod my head as I listen, but now all I can do is stare at my stomach and place my hand on it in a protective sort of way. "I will give you these leaflets so you can seek the required support, and make any necessary decisions about whether or not you wish to continue with the pregna-"

"I want to keep it"
"She will keep it"

Immediately my eyes meet my mothers, I wasn't sure she would support me because I'm only 17 and she doesn't even know who the father is, but I knew I wanted to keep this baby regardless of my situation with Lyle or my parents opinion. "Sweetheart, you've been so lost these past few weeks, I think that Parker has sent you this baby for a reason." My Maman says softly as she squeezes my hands. I don't agree I know how this baby happened but for some reason I feel super protective of them already, I want this baby.