Underneath

Keep breathing

I had a busy day, it was my first ppv with aew, Dakota flew in and I picked him up he went with me to my hair appointment then we hung out for a little bit I kept my emotions to myself as I spent time with my son, I had my hair and makeup done in the hotel, my happiness seemed to dim away and I lost my passion I finished packing up my things to go to work. I looked at Dakota as he sat me down and looked at me

"Look at me.. what's wrong?" He asked as he held my hand "I'm fine, just feeling the pressure for tonight. I haven't wrestled in months" I said as he nodded i couldn't eat I was burnt out I was depressed, my mind was going everywhere as Dakota sighed "You aren't wrestling tonight your backing out. We're going home and your taking time off" he said as I sighed "Dakota I'm fine. I promise" I said as he looked at me "No you aren't" he said as he knew me better then myself
"I'll take time after this ppv.." I said as he looked at me "fine." He said as he looks down at me he wrote Agony about me as he was proud of it, he looked at me "I have something for you.." he said as he played the song for me "I really like it.." I said softly as he smiled "you inspired the song" he said to me as I smiled "I like it" he smiled again. If I ever came back to wrestling I was gonna use it as my theme. I feed Wesley as he smiles at me with his big blue eyes I cried a bit he made me feel so happy. He was the reason why I wanted to be a mother. "Here I got you your favourite drink" he handed me an ice coffee with vanilla like I normally got, I took a sip as I finished feeding him. I had to go to work soon

Dakota grabbed our stuff as we drove to the arena, I wasn't looking forward to it my emotions changed, I broke down as I was alone in the locker room, I sat by myself as I hugged my knees for a bit trying to regroup before getting ready, I finally got changed as I put my hoodie back on

I touched up my makeup as I came out of the locker room "Hey some fans wanna meet you.." the manger said as I pulled myself together "Oh my gosh sure, of course!" I said smiling as I forced a happy face and smiled as I walked over to them "Hey. What's up?" I asked softly as I spoke to them for a bit, we took some photos Dakota shook his head as Saraya talked to him "She's not okay.. you can tell.." she said to Dakota "I know. She's been weird since being back in the ring. I know she's cleared and stuff and but I'm scared she's burning herself out and she hasn't taken time off. Since having Wesley she's been training" Dakota explained
I walked over to them as my smile turned to a frown "Hey.. what's up baby girl" she hugged me as I hugged back "Exhausted, I just wanna put on a good show tonight" I said laughing as Dakota was mad that I was still even going to wrestle knowing my state of mind "Seriously?! Are you fucking serious? You're gonna wrestle knowing you haven't slept, ate, you are burnt out" he snapped at me "The way you keep going you won't be able to look after yourself nor our child. It's either wrestling or your child!" He yelled at me.

I took off the engagement ring "I don't want you either.. this my job, my passion. I am not gonna stop it because you worry too much" I gave him the engagement ring and stormed off as I went outside and sat on the steps while putting my hood up as I broke down crying Dakota was right I was acting like everything was okay, it wasn't okay. I was falling apart, I was trying to be this strong person but truly I was struggling, everything seemed so overwhelming and the thought of marriage was overwhelming then having a kid at such a young age. I pulled myself together as Dakota walked off.

The match began, as our theme song played, I couldn't focus what Dakota said to me ran through my head the match was sloppy and it wasn't my best work, Dakota was speaking to Tony and Cody about pulling me from the show and the match ended, we ended up winning they even agreed I needed to seek professional help, I came out from my match as Dakota pulled me into the room with Cody and Tony "Sit down.." Cody said as he handed me a bottle of water I sat down as I looked at them "Problem?" I asked softly as Saraya was there too and held my hand "We think it's best you take some time off and get better" Cody said softly as I looked at them "I'm fine, I feel good though" I said softly. I looked down as I knew they were right

"You know what you're right. I do need help, and I will take time off for a few months to work on myself. I love Dakota and my baby boy so much. I just want to do both jobs and be an professional wrestler. I've been an horrible wife & mom" I said to him as they hugged me tightly telling me I wasn't. I was just going through stuff. I wanted to be the best mother I could be. I left the meeting as I changed back Into my street clothes and headed back to the hotel Dakota and I didn't talk to much as I feed Wyatt and kissed his head as he looks up at me with his big smile I loved him so much. We made the drive back home and I fell asleep once I got Wyatt to bed