Fairytale?

Chapter 47- Elegy

Why dost thou pass away and leave our state,

This dim vast vale of tears, vacant and desolate?
Ask why the sunlight not for ever
Weaves rainbows o'er yon mountain-river,
Why aught should fail and fade that once is shown,
Why fear and dream and death and birth
Cast on the daylight of this earth
Such gloom, why man has such a scope
For love and hate, despondency and hope?
-

Bonnie hated to even think it, but- truthfully, the prospect of seeing Susan intimidated her nowadays, and was rather panic-inducing. It wasn't her girlfriend's fault- not at all- it was just that she really didn't know how to comfort her. Whatever time she had spent with her since she had found out that all of Susan's family had been killed- it all felt wrong and awkward and she felt like she was shooting herself in the foot with every word she told her. With Sanya, too, to be honest- but since she lived closer to Susan, she had had more interactions with her.

How could she help someone with grief, when she had never really known any? Sure, one of her grandfathers had died, but she had been a baby then! Apart from that, she knew no loss.

But there was no point in stressing about this now, because she was already at the Pevensie house and she had rung the bell, which meant there was no chance that she could run back to the Rainsford house with her tail between her legs.

"Oh, hello, Bonnie." Susan said politely as she opened the door. "Come in, come in- sorry, I know I look a mess-"

Her girlfriend had her hair tied back, and she was wearing pyjama bottoms and a shirt that was surely either her brothers' or her father's.
She did not look like a mess, Bonnie thought. She looked- she looked real. And she realised, again, how much she loved her. And also how much she wanted to kiss her- all over.
She shook her head immediately, starting to blush, "No, you don't. Are you cleaning?"

"No, just moving some things out here that I can sell." She said, as she turned to walk over to the living room.

The drawing room was near-full with boxes and knick-knacks- from a broken radio sitting on the center table to a box labelled 'ALBERTA'S GIFTS- GIVE AWAY' to a collection of dusty almanacs- and Bonnie was coughing before she even entered the room.

There was no place she could see that she would be able to sit without breaking something, so she resigned herself to standing.
Lifting the neck of her blouse up to cover her nose, she asked worriedly, "Are you doing this on your own?"

Susan laughed, a sound more sorrowful than joyful.
"Yes, obviously, my dear." She did not look away from the box she was sealing with cello-tape. She had labelled it already- it was to be given to the charity shops, because she doubted anyone else would have wanted old toys belonging to her siblings and she. "Who else do I have?"

"Su, darling," Bonnie still kept her nose covered as she navigated a path through the rubbish towards her girlfriend, "I live five minutes away. You could have telephoned-"

"I sold the telephone."
She would buy a cheaper one when she went into London to apply for another job.
She didn't want another one- but, unfortunately, she had to recognise the need to have a functioning telephone nowadays.
"The television, too."
But not the record-player. Her mother had gifted her father that just the Christmas of '45. Susan had played music from it on Christmas, and everyone had patiently- mostly- listened. She could not let go of it.

"Oh."

Susan wanted to turn around and wrap her arms around her girlfriend, because she knew she was standing so close- but she couldn't bear to look at her. She wanted to look at her, but she just couldn't.
"I thought you knew."