the equation of love

Chapter 6

Heeseung's pov

I just sat out on the balcony, looking out over the city. The others were asleep inside and I had no one to share my thoughts with. It bothered me a lot, I just want to be heard.

Burnout. It's hell, hell on earth. Okay it's not as bad as other medical conditions like cancer or heart disease. But mentally it's so fucking exhausting. I want to be top student, I want to continue my studies after graduation. But my mind, and I guess my body too, has totally given up on me.

Without me even realizing it tears started to pool in my eyes and I was crying rivers from the sheer amount of pain and stress I constantly put myself through. My family isn't better at making me feel like a good son either. Dad is an ass and has been since the divorce and mum is a bit distant. But I suppose it's normal when splitting from someone you thought loved you. I just wished she would see me a bit more.

I heard footsteps entering upon the balcony. I wanted to run out of here but I was too drained to move an inch. It was like my soul told me to sit and cry like a kid, the kid I never got to be.

"You don't have to tell me, but know that I'm here to listen" I was surprised, why was Cheonsa awake?

"Tired of cuddling with Jay?" I said trying to lighten up my own mood and she snorted.

"You know damn well that me and him are on opposite sides of the room for every one else's safety" I just smiled a bit and nodded as the tears continued to flow.

"I'm just so tired, why does everything wear me out so thin? Look at me Cheonsa, I'm a mess" I croaked and she scooted a bit closer to wrap an arm around me.

"Burnout?" I turned to her confused. How did she figure it out so easily? "Yeah me too, I get what you mean. You want to do so much but your mind and body fails you, just running into the wall over and over again. It sucks"

"Yeah it really does, so that's how you know. You have it to" I stated more as a reminder to myself. "What do you do when it gets unbearable? 'Cause I need some tips that doesn't include family" she looked at me sadly.

"No good?" She asked, and I told her about my parents messy divorce and how I didn't feel seen. And even though I'm a grown man and on my own in this world it would be nice if the people who brought you into it would listen. She just nodded and listened, which felt nice. And after my rant and some more tears we sat in a comfortable silence. I don't even know her that well, she just shows that she cares. And that makes it easy to talk to her and just spill everything. Plus, she's going through the same thing with burn out, so she understands my frustration.

"I always talk to Dambi" she said absentmindedly, I immediately blushed at the mention of her name. I knew I liked her and I admitted it the other day to my friends after her and I accidentally met in the library. The sheer thought of her gave me butterflies. "Oh don't go all lover boy on me now, she's actually awake. Should I call her out here?" I couldn't believe it.

"Won't she think I'm a burden for relaying all my thoughts to her? I don't want to scare her away, I like her a lot" I whispered the last part but Cheonsa heard it anyway. She smiled.

"She is too in love with you to be scared away, she'll stick around. Trust me on that" Cheonsa said as she stood up and walked into the apartment again. Soon Dambi walked out and sat down beside me. My face flared up and I curled myself up like a shrimp.

"Cheonsa said that I should talk to you, and I also wanted to tell you something" she whispered as she moved a bit closer, a blush spread on her cheeks. I smiled and told her everything, how I felt like I knocked on the door to hell every morning and how I felt like I had no motivation to do anything academically ever again. I told her about how my family was falling apart and how I just wanted to be their son once in a while. How just existing was killing me inside.

While I was talking the tears started to wander down my cheeks. She looked me in the eyes and told me that as long as I had the boys and even her I would be okay, I was going to make it. "Can you make me believe I will be okay? How can I know that I will make it out of this?" I said between sobs.

Then she pulled me close, hugged me tight and whispered sweet nothings in my ear. "Don't worry, as long as you have me you won't ever feel invisible, love" she said and looked me deep in the eyes and wiped my tears gently. She's too fucking perfect.  I stood up and held her hand and we walked inside together. Cheonsa smiled at us and cuddled up in her duvet. Riki was clinging to her once again and Dambi and I smiled at the sight.

I looked over the room and noticed how Jay was still awake, which is astonishing since he's usually out like a light at nine pm. His gaze wandered over to us as he smiled and then looked to Cheonsa. He says he doesn't like her,  but why does he look at her that way? Like he would give up everything and anything to be by her side.

No one's pov

As he gazed at the girl across the room, a familiar and scary feeling spread in his chest. He does not know what it is, but he does know that it can help him and hurt him at the same time. He was not supposed to think she was pretty or kind. But he did. And that scared him. But when their eyes met in school or at the cafe he wanted her to look at him, and no one else.

<3...