My heart is tellin' me that you were gonna change...
What was i doing here?
I find myself clutching the edge of the seat. I can understand sneaking in, but actually buying tickets and sit at the very end of the first row? Insane, i know. This is as bad of a plan than deciding to invade Russia during the winter. No, worse. This is just going to lead to another on and off relationship again, like we have had recently. Camila had said that the last time was definatley the last. Of course, she said that every time, and i believed her. I wasn't here to make up with her, or start rumors. I didn't even know what i was doing here. And i regret whatever my instinct was, because this isn't going to end well.
Come on, Styles. Man up. Walk out of here and forget this girl. Forget the girl with the stupid, beautiful hair, and her stupid, adorable personality, and her stupid, stupid voice, and the way she made you feel and the tattoo on your arm where you were saving for someone special. Forget her. Forget the relationship. Forget everything.
I sigh, sinking back into the chair a little more. Unfortunately- none of those things will happen anytime soon, if ever.
I touch the tattoo on my arm, shuddering at my own cold touch. It stings, but not in the way i wish it did. I exhale a long breath, closing my eyes as my whole hand wraps around my arm. It brings back memories, good ones and bad ones, of laughing on a ferris wheel and yelling at each other over the sound of the radio in the car. Memories of the scent of cookies and other baked goods in the kitchen as i open the door, home early from work. Memories of yelling of forgotten anniversaries and missed calls. Unforgettable memories of gentle touches and rough arm grabbing.
I shudder, but not from the cold of this stadium. My heart ached, cold and useless. What else was my heart for, if not for Camila? Useless, if i say so myself.
My hand slips away from my arm, falling to rest on my lap as more people begin to notice me. I sink into my chair, not happy as i usually am.
I am about to stand up, but i am stopped by the music begin to play over head, the familiar whistling that Camila always hummed along too when she appeared on the radio. I sit up a little straighter as the girls come on stage. Camila's voice fills my ears and i release a very audible groan. I had been sort of hoping that they wouldn't sing this one- Camila always saying that this reminded her of him. They begin to move around the stage, dancing to the tune. Lauren and Normani notice me first- Lauren's eyes widening as she motions to Normani, who was to her left. Normani nearly misses her cue to sing, glancing to Camila. Normani begins to sing her solo nervously as she moves to the left, knowing that Camila would be right infront of me within seconds. Normani hits Ally in the arm, nodding her head in my direction, before Ally grins, waving at me. I don't wave back, just shy into my seat a little more. Dinah picks up on her own, glancing at me as Camila moves forward.
Before she notices me, i take the chance to admire what she's wearing. A maroon flow-y tank top and a black skirt, that makes her look smart than she is, her hair high in a bun at the top of her head. Her gold necklace hits her in the face cutely once or twice and she tips on her heels as she moves too swiftly, just like the Camila i know.
When Camila notices me, everything seems to move in slow motion. Camila's face changes from a frown to a smile to anger to hurt within seconds as she continues to sing. She kneels down a little, getting nearly eye to eye with me as she devilishly grins, waving at me. I laugh, actually laugh, saluting her. I mouth an 'i'm sorry', she winks, before strutting off to continue the choreography as planned.
~
I manage to chat my way through security, trying to figure my way around. I had only been to a few concerts- and when i did i never knew whether or not they shared dressing rooms or not. I pass one that just says "DINAH" so i assume they do.
I find myself at the door that says "CAMILA" and i wait for a few moments. I knock after i count to twelve. It's now or never- i think as i do so. She opens the door after ten seconds, already changed out of her performance clothes and into something comfortable, an old red sweater with some sweatpants, glasses, and her comfy, favorite, moccasins. It is another seconds before i realize that it's my jumper.
"I was wondering where that jumper went," I mutter, causing her to laugh. I glance behind her to see that the other girls are in there as well, all pretending to not be listening. "I mean-" I pause, shaking my head. "You look.. Nice." Camila glances down at herself, and i can nearly see a pink tint to her cheeks. "Thanks. You seem to be holding up all right. Don't miss me too much?" Camila laughs off her comment, leaning forward to pinch my cheeks as she always did.
I smile sadly. "Not really. I haven't gone to the apartment in a while; It's too.. sad. Ghostly, and lonely."
Camila glances behind her, before stepping out to join me in the empty hallway and closes the door. As soon as the door closes, i stuff my hands into my pockets, throw my head back, and say, "I still love you."
Camila sighs a little, glancing over, making sure no one is in the hall. Harry frowns, his heart breaking a little. She was avoiding his gaze. Harry leans forward a little, hurt and broken. Camila had hurt him, worse than she knew. Harry felt like he was the singing Leave My Heart Out Of This this time. He was the victim. Not her.
Finally, Camila turns to look him in the ye, and Harry see's a flash of something in her, something he see's in himself. She was just as hurt as she was. She stares at him for another second, before looking down at her feet and muttering "Me too." They've somehow moved a ways away from the door now, and Harry is suddenly self conscious, until Camila reaches up, her hands on his cheek and around his neck, and their kissing for what feels like the first time.
