Moon nights - a summer romance in Seoul

Chapter 18: Ayla

Feeling like I'm never good enough is my biggest curse I shall carry with me to my grave

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"Do you sometimes think about your enlisting? How would it be to serve your country and defend it with your life?"

Jonghyun and I were sitting in a themed cafe we had found while strolling amongst the streets and decided to take a quick break. Filming had already been wrapped up and we had the rest of the day for ourselves.

"Uh, not really. Not that shying away from it, but sometimes I'm torn between enlisting now so I can get it behind me or building myself the life I want first before I take a break from it and enlist", Jonghyun answered honestly, playing with the straw of his americano which signaled that he's deep in thought—an open book. That I knew how to read by now.

"What kind of life do you want to build for yourself?"

He was wearing his glasses again today, which suited him a lot more than I would admit. It changed his appearance, in a good way. He had paired them with a loose white shirt tucked into his baggy jeans, matching the look with the whitest sneakers I'd seen on him. According to his social media accounts, it was sent over to him as PR earlier this week. Not that I keep track of- okayyesIdo. He had posted his OOTD and linked the brand after all.

"A happy life? I am still determining honestly where I want my life to lead or where I want it to lead. I don't lose myself too much in society's expectations. I'm aware my current job isn't sustainable for the long term, no matter how good I'd look even when I'm old and wrinkly-"

"Who said you'd look good when you're old and wrinkly?" I cut in teasingly. I just had to get this comment out, it was slipping past my tongue before I could catch it.

"I'm pretty sure you did. And if not, I'm just stating a well-known fact here. We all know it. I'm not investing so much time and money into skincare just for it not to work when I get older", he shot back with an equally amused grin, challenging me yet again. His skincare was personalized by his dermatologist. Speak of flawless skin and products that work in your favor.

"So full of yourself, make sure not to fall from your high ross, Watson."
"I'm certain you'd catch me if I fall. But too bad that I've already fallen too."
"Fallen for?"
"You"

My brain shut down at his words, and I could feel the corners of my lips part slightly.

fallen for me?

We loved to joke around each other, but moments such as these were moments where I wished he wasn't kidding, that he meant what he said, and that I'd be lucky enough to be loved by him past our expiration date. It wasn't impossible, was it?

"I just know that I want to spend my life with someone by my side who's there for me, that I can love every day over and over again, no matter what comes across the path. This is the only certainty that I have. The only dream I have", he explained with a more serious tone. He looked at me while talking, but my attention zoned in and out from the image of his face and a future with him.

I cleared my throat before I replied, picking my vanilla latte back up: "No matter which person you decide to spend the rest of your life with, he is going to know how lucky they are that you are in love with them. Madly, deeply in love with them."

His gaze on me softened, and my skin crawled to know what he was thinking at this exact moment. Was he picturing a future with someone he already knew? All I could hope for was that he would write something on his account with a hint to our conversation to get to know what thoughts were rushing through his mind. I played with the sleeve of my cobalt blue dress to occupy my other hand, hiding the shakiness as I was sipping from my drink with my other hand.