TW - TDAMS

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TW - do NOT read if triggered by mentions of suicide.




The Day After My Suicide


The day after my suicide,

Hugging my clothes amidst scattered pictures of her pride,

I saw my mom sitting on the floor of my room.

Crying crocodile tears over the lilies that bloom.


The day after my suicide,

My dad wished he'd told me before I died,

That he loved me and how he wished he was there for me.

Lying about how he blamed himself for why couldn't he see.


The day after my suicide,

I saw how hard my siblings tried,

To hold back their tears as they remember

All the memories of us up until last December.


The day after my suicide,

I saw my friends trying to hide,

The tears in their eyes as they tried to smile;

Thinking about all the times we ran an extra mile.


The day after my suicide,

I saw my teachers' eyes go wide.

When they heard the news of my demise,

I couldn't see the sorrow in their eyes.


The day after my suicide,

In the graveyard, shoving twigs aside,

Looking for myself in the dead,

And when I found myself, I said:


"So many loved ones we left behind,

So much hate for yourself in your mind.

You had the courage to bleed through your skin,

But why didn't you use that courage to win?"



*if you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, contact the helplines active in your state/country. you deserve to be heard and understood for exactly where you are. and know that each painful moment is just a moment; it's gonna pass. so just hold on for a little bit longer and it will get better if you want it to get better.

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