Love, Crime, Animals

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Jared POV:

Blood drips from my body as I heave myself through the forest, barely balancing on my feet, which felt like they were about to give way at any minute. I also started to feel light headed which didn't help. That was the last fucking thing I needed.

I look around for something I could use to bandage my oozing wounds but I struggle to find anything. There wasn't shit in that forest. Not even dock leaves. I mean what if you get caught in nettles?
In my opinion, all forests should have dock leaves but I guess that's besides the point.

I continue to walk (or stumble) my way through the ever-lasting forest, hoping to find any sight of them.
I didn't know where they were at all, but I knew they couldn't have gone that far. I mean, Claudia's a pretty fast runner. And that cow was fucking tough. She fucking BET me to the ground.

And don't even fucking make fun of me for getting my ass whooped by some random cow. I had my guard down okay? And also, you're NEVER supposed to hit a woman. Even though I may have in my time.
But still, you shouldn't, ever.

Oh forget it. I'm a fucking loser.
I miss the days when I was tough. I miss when I put up a fucking fight and wasn't a pussy like I am now. Claudia made me soft. She stopped me from attacking.

I used to take kick boxing lessons, because I wanted to learn self defense. After doing a course for a few months, I realized I wanted to go the extra mile.
I wanted to learn knife skills, gun skills, street violence.
I found the perfect club for me. They accepted me, they made me feel like I was one of them.

I was shitting them, and myself, to be honest. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. All I knew though, was that I wanted to be tough.
I wanted to kick someone's puny, ass.
So, I got a little (lot) carried away and I started attacking innocent people.
Whenever I was out on the streets, I would assume someone would hurt me, so I would put them in a headlock and pin them to the ground.

If they resisted, I would brandish my knife, which shut them up REAL fast. I definitely shouldn't have been doing that though. I know, it was a dick move, but it kinda helped me practice my street smarts.
Because, what if someone tried to attack me? What if they threaten to kill me? It's always good to expect the unexpected.

Fuck, I used to be so damn tough. And look at me now. I can't even handle a few bite wounds.
I've never felt so little in my life.
I'm fucking pathetic.
I just needed to suck it up. I needed to ignore my pain and just deal with it and stop moaning like a little baby.

My dad used to say that to me.
He said stuff like that a lot.
He always said that I was too soft. That the other kids were much stronger and bigger than me.
He would always bully me into exercising more, which I dreaded each any every second of.
He would push my limits and make me feel so belittled.

When he left, I realized that I needed to listen to him and get my fucking ass in gear.

I made decent progress, and then, several years later, I met Claudia,
the woman I hold accountable for how I am now.
Am I using a lame excuse to justify myself?
Maybe.
But I really don't give a fuck right now.

Claudia was into knitting and cuddling and shit like that. Which, admittedly, I kinda liked.
At least I liked it in the earlier stages of our relationship. In the first few months of our relationship.
Before everything fell apart.
We realized how different we were from each other, but for some reason, we stayed together in the toxic, take and take relationship.

I don't really know why we stayed together.
When my brother died it really seemed like it was over, but Claudia seemed so sorry for me and she would insist on staying with me in the house. She attempted to cheer me up all the time.
I don't know why she wanted to put on this sorry act for me. One minute it seemed like she hated me, then my brother dies and it's like she's fucking glued to me.