Heal the Heart

2.

We talked about everything and nothing at the same time, giving just the limited amount of information to carry on a conversation, but not enough to get too close. Neither of us were Vancouver locals though both ended up here thanks to our degrees. He said he was situated not too far from here while I complained about the wetness and cold, which was a complete opposite of the tropical weather I was used to. I didn't go into the reasons on why I even chose a country so far away from home it was almost on the other side of the world. Or the situation that forced me to leave everything I called my own. Following my lead, he didn't question either. He said he loved football and hockey. We argued about the rankings and transfers and it just fit. He was a Madrid fan while I supported Barça. We just fit. He tried explaining hockey to me before realising it was fruitless and we both settled on American football being overrated.

The conversation soon veered toward personal territory with him asking, "Why did you agree to this blind date? You said it wasn't really your thing." He slowed his pace and turned to regard me. I should've guessed he was a uni student. He seemed so young. The laser lighting had done nothing good to his features. His eyes were even lighter than I had thought, now that I could see him under the faint glow of the street lamps and flickering sign boards. The dark brown I had pegged his hair to be was, in fact, a startling shade of auburn I didn't know existed.

I whipped my head to the front before my stare ventured into the creep zone. "Wanted to see what I was missing." I shrugged. "Turns out, not a lot." You've already missed out on the biggest thing in your life. I stuffed my hands deeper into my jacket's pockets, balling them into fists to prevent those tremors from returning.

"And tonight was the night you decided to step out? The day before the year starts?" He smiled. This was a spur-of-the-moment question, but I could see the hint of curiosity in it.

I let myself relax and met his eyes. His smile hadn't wavered. He looked like the kind who smiled a lot. Who made other people smile a lot. I decided I liked his smile. "My friend set us up. He's been trying to do it since before the summer. Figured might as well get this over with before he starts bugging me again once the sem starts." I sighed.

"You sound like you were very excited about this whole setup." His eyebrows raised, and he bumped my shoulder with his.

I had to suck in a breath and pretend like his touch didn't still linger there. Like the small amount of heat he transferred didn't just thaw my entire being. "I'm not..." He's a stranger, he couldn't possibly know. Not in this country. "I don't think I'm ready yet. It's been over a year, and I know it's stupid—"

"It's not stupid. There's no set time limit for getting over someone. Everyone has their own process."

I tried smiling and hoped to God it didn't come out as a grimace. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong half the time. I mean, I moved halfway across the world. I should be able to forget and forgive, right? For a second there, I thought maybe I wasn't meeting the right people. That maybe I needed to go out more. Explore. Now, I'm not so sure the external factors are so much the problem as the internal."

"I, for one, don't think it's internal. You're doing far better than I did. I wasn't nearly this calm and composed on my first date with someone after the supposed love of my life dumped me."

I chuckled. "You don't know the war that is raging in my head right now."

"From where I stand, it doesn't seem like it. So many men fling themselves into situations they never would've found themselves in. Jumping into bed with someone they didn't expect to, drinking till liver failure, falling into some sort of psychological crises," he bumped his shoulder with mine again and lingered there; my body froze, "burning their ex's belongings. Things that, once they clear their head, seems so far out of their capability they don't know how to undo it. And then there's you. You're willing—or at least trying—to put the past behind you and try again. That takes effort and courage."