A Song of Silence

Chapter 12

Astrid

When I walk into school after a restless night, I quickly spot Callisto sitting at the side on a long wooden bench. There seems to be a gap in the people waiting for the bell to ring around her, as if no one is quite sure what to do with her. She is an outlier to them. Even to me she is one. To think that I have had classes with her for years but never asked or bothered to figure out her name until just a few days ago.

Erinne looks my way, tilting her head to the left very slightly while her beautiful hair that I would give anything to have falls over her shoulder as she does. I sat with her for lunch the other day instead of Callisto, but Callisto looks like she needs someone. Erinne has Charlise. Callisto doesn't have anyone. Not like I do anymore either. I used to have so many good friends, but then I became obsessed, absolutely obsessed with being the best. We were all trying to please them, but maybe I took it a bit too far. I remember that day in elementary where the girl behind me had passed me a note. I had opened the carefully crumpled paper to find a neat, tidy scrawl. "Pass it on," the note had told me to do. So I did. Being young and naïve and foolish, I did. And then the girl in front of me got caught and was sent to the office and expelled for disobeying and no one would look me in the eye, acting like it was all my doing, even if they started it. They hated me for it, treated me like a monster for it. And because of that, I decided that I would be the best student. I would not disobey, nor would I ever cause someone else to disobey either. And then when I changed schools, I had a new start, and not many people remembered that. It faded into the past, like most things do.

"Hey," I say to Callisto. She, too, has dark circles of purple beneath her eyes, and her hands are holding up her head. "Long night?" I ask, with a breezy laugh at the end.

She nods, without much enthusiasm, smiling, but looking like it is an effort to do even that.

"You could say that," she responds, but a few seconds too late.

There's a whole two feet of space between us. Friends would close that gap. But are we friends? I have a feeling that Callisto, at least, holds me at arm's length. Her responses have only been stiff and short to my questions, however warmly intended they were. I don't think friends really are her thing in general. Or people. I wonder how she manages for group project. Just wait for someone to pick you for the work, I guess. That's what I would do. If someone really wants me specifically to help them and asks me to join, I might be willing to.

We both sit in our own silence, and the noise in the halls fills the air with as much sound as there needs to be. This is okay.

I want to ask her if she thinks of me as a friend, but how awkward would that be, to go up to someone and straight up ask? I could surely think of less embarrassing ways to find out. If she were to say no, would I go back to Erinne simply because she's my safety net, in case I have no one else? I probably would. Maybe if Charlise liked me better. Maybe if it was easier to mend a broken friendship.

"So..." I'm not entirely sure what else there is to say. There are so many things I could say, so many things, but none of them are right. How does one start a conversation with someone who, I must not forget, may have betrayed our supreme leaders?

"So..." is all Callisto says in response. She sits there, delicately twirling her brown locks around her finger and untwirling them, again and again. It can wrap around several times before she reaches the end of the hair. Silence once again.

Perhaps I could ask her how she is doing, or what she likes to do, but these seem to be such trivial matters, considering that we will become apprentices to the Imperium and start to go more in depth to their ways in a few days. We will find out soon who it is that we will be accompanying. I hope I get someone good, like someone who makes decisions for our world, or maybe one of the people who administers control to the young children. I imagine it to be like rebirth to watch them as they grow from being so disobedient and destructive to becoming docile and pleasant. Parents have the option to watch as their child receives it, and many do because of the joy there is to lift your son or daughter to the Imperium proudly. My parents watched. My grandparents did too. It was one of the best days of their lives, they had all told me. If and when I ever have children, I will do the same.

"Who do you want to get as a mentor?" I finally inquire. I can't help it; I'm much too curious to know who she thinks would be best.

"Oh," Callisto starts faintly, her face clouding over for a moment as she presses her lips further together, "I haven't really thought about it. But there really are so many wonderful possibilities."

I nod. "There really are."

"Who are you hoping to get?" She continues the conversation even though it feels quite finished, but it is somewhat out of necessity and politeness to wonder about it. After all, I did ask her.

"Either a politician, or just a government member in general, or one of the doctors who gives the control."

It's her turn to nod this time, and then neither of us have anything more to contribute to the sore effort of a conversation.

The bell rings, saving me from having to come up with something more, and I try to leave in as kindly a manner as I possibly can, waving goodbye and apologizing that I need to get to class. Callisto graciously accepts my apology and hurries off as well, but in the opposite direction that I do. I cast a glance over my shoulder as she disappears from my sight, turning a corner, and I am left by myself while I sit through my classes. Alone once again.

~

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took a really long time to come out. I was sick this week and basically did nothing at all, and I just had no motivation to write. Anyway, this chapter is a bit of a filler while I try and come up with ideas for later parts.