A Song of Silence

Chapter 16

Astrid

It's now. The moment I've been waiting for, holding my breath for since they told us. I am filled with anticipation as the last few students in front of me begin to trickle out into the hallways for their lunch, some giggling and whispering among one another. While all of them are smiling, I can see in a few eyes the crestfallen look, the feeling being let down by them, but I promise myself that this will not be me, no matter who I am assigned to.

The names are handwritten on a large sheet of paper in careful black ink, and I look it up and down to find my own. Callisto's name stands out to me before mine, and next to hers is written "Dr. Alaina Everett. Imperium vaccine scientist." Lucky her. She got the mentor that I had wanted so badly.

There at the top, though it should have been glaringly obvious, is my own name. Astrid Hale. And next to it, in the second column is the name of the one I will be apprenticing. Hayden Verrill.

I follow the line, holding a pale finger up to see the position of this Hayden that I am supposed to help and learn from in the upcoming few weeks. The line is jagged, and I am quivering with excitement, but then my breath catches in my throat as I finish.

Official Imperium executioner.

"Executioner," I whisper, echoing the thought. "An executioner."

And my heart may just have stopped for a moment. Of all of them to get, how could I be the one who was paired with an executioner? It was pure chance, but if I had been to line up all of the possible positions, that would be dead last for sure. I would do anything for the Imperium, but I don't think I have it in me to watch those deaths in person, to assist with them. I can't do this.

Still, I struggle to keep the disappointment, the horror that I feel inside of me and not let it show. A true citizen of the Imperium would not complain about this placement. A true citizen of the Imperium would accept it and embrace it, thanking our leaders for this wonderful opportunity and learn the craft of...of killing.

Obey. Always obey. This is what the Imperium has wanted for me, so I will do it, if I must.

"Your country needs you," my mother told me once over breakfast when I was littler. "Make them proud."

There is not much left to do but to wait for it to come and continue on as normal. So I head to the cafeteria holding my head up high, trying to be proud of the role that I was given instead of seeming disheartened.

***

I grab my tray and give the server a rapid nod to show my thanks before heading to the back corner of the lunchroom.

"Hey," I start, and Callisto promptly looks up from staring at her plate.

"Hey."

"Congratulations on getting apprenticed to the vaccine scientist. Dr. Alaina Everett." I'm trying so hard not to let the envy creep into my voice. Executioner. I got the executioner.

"Thanks. And congratulations on getting apprenticed to the, um..." she hesitates, and I realize that she didn't check for my name on the list like I did. I wonder if she thinks that's strange, that I paid attention to it.

"Hayden Verrill, executioner," I finish for her.

"Oh," Callisto says, chewing slowly. The way she doesn't add anything more afterward makes me think that she isn't sure whether to congratulate me or whether to be sympathetic. To be honest, neither would I. What do you say to someone who will soon be able to have the power to have you killed?

I nod and proceed to start on the soft roll that's given with today's meal. It doesn't change a whole lot from day to day, so I imagine by the end of another two years, I'll be rather sick of eating buns and potatoes on a daily basis with the only variable being the protein. Today's is spiced chicken with ground pepper with a side of boiled cabbage. Not my favorite, I do admit, but I live with it. We all do. The need of the multitudes is infinitely more important than the preferences of an individual.

"Training starts on Monday, then?" I ask, though more to break the silence between us than anything else. It's awkward to sit with someone yet not say anything, so I feel compelled to be the one to change it.

"I suppose it does," Callisto answers nonchalantly. I don't expect her to continue or add anything more because she seems like the quiet type, but she does. "It's all happening so soon. I can hardly believe it's real."

I'm not convinced as to whether I should take that as excitement or anxiety. Probably both. That's how I feel.

"Me neither. It was just a few days ago that they told us at all, and now it's suddenly becoming so real." I smile at her, not my usual resting one that will please the Imperium, but the one that I give when I truly mean it. She does the same back. Maybe we really are friends, then.

"Do you think there's a reason they assigned us to each mentor?" she wonders after a while, her piercing, hazel-green eyes trained on me with a kind of fierce intensity. I was hoping she wouldn't ask that. Not because I don't like the answer, but because I don't want to know if there is one. Otherwise I'd be forced to accept that something in me, something about me made them think that putting me with an executioner would help me. I don't see how it would.

"There could be." I try to tell her what I think, while still avoiding the inquiry. "But who are we to question them and their decisions?" It's the best I can do, but even I have my doubts, though I fully comprehend that I must not.

"Who are we?" Callisto echoes, her voice trailing off at the end.

***

I find Erinne and Charlise in the hall, leaning against the wall, as I wait for my next class.

"Hi," I say tentatively, because I can't be sure if they want me here.

"Oh, Astrid, hello!" Erinne's signature enthusiastic charm doesn't seem to be the least bit annoyed, but after getting to know her those years ago, I've realized that she can fake her easy interactions pretty well, so her tone really doesn't mean anything either way. Charlise, on the other hand, simply nods in acknowledgement, leaning over to whisper something into Erinne's ear.

"Anyway, nice seeing you again!" Erinne says quickly, waving, and after that they're off. Charlise wraps her arm around Erinne's shoulders as they disappear into the crowd, and even with all the other noise, I can hear them laughing together like Erinne used to with me before Charlise came. Will there ever come a point where we'll be like that again?

And the executioner. What happens to them if the one they have to kill is their own family, or their friend? I don't want to imagine it. Perhaps if I push the future as far ahead of me as possible, it will never come.