Spermit! (The squeakuel!!)

A new beginning

It was a warm spring morning; sure I don't remember where the story initially took place but let's say Chicago because that's where The Adventures of Tip and Oh take place. The cafe was quiet with tidbits of white noise, keyboards clicking, and people obnoxiously slurping their coffee up like it was the last cock on Earth.

"YAAACHOOOOOO" Another peaceful noise decided to erupt from Kermit's mouth, spraying his allergies and saliva on the floor like Windex. The impact pounded the frog into the wall of the cafe, actually breaking the thick wood and landing him in an alleyway next door.

"Jesus effin' CHA-rist Kermit, AGAIN??" Hayden huffed, he cringed at the thought of getting his fast merchandise cloth soaked with Kermit's juices so instead, he just slid his subway platformers across it until the stain wasn't really visible. "You need tah like, take some Mucinex m'kay"

"Err er eerr errr er errrrr er'r err errrrr errrrrrrr" (Aw he can't help it, Hayden, it's his spring allergies) Sans err'd, he knew he didn't have to speak like that. Ever since he left the underworld he knew hardly anybody did but he wanted to connect to his routes.

"Speak like a normal ayess person you overhyped dog treat" Hayden rolled his eyes, plastering a big The Black Parade poster over the hole in the cafe wall.

Sans sighed, "It's just his allergies, Hayden, he can't help it! It's spring. There's pollen everywhere and it makes him sneeze a lot" the skeleton frowned handing his boyfriend a cup of syrupy medicine.

Hayden cringed going back to his baking of toaster strudels for the Cafe's display, like a gay person. "I'm just saying if he wants to stay here while you're on the shift, he needs to get his like act together M'kay" the twink crossed his arms, glaring at the newfound couple while his strudels baked.

"Chill out Hayden it's not like he's doing it on purpose!" Sans looked back at his friend, ever since Hayden had allegedly killed his distant ex-wives pet frog there had been a bit of tension between him and Kermit.

"Oh really! He's totally not purposely sneezing onto the floor! Definitely not even thinking of how I'M the one who has to clean it up! M'kay!??" Hayden's voice raised

"What has gotten into you!? What did he ever do to you huh?" Sans yelled, making Hayden look away dramatically.

Suddenly, in the heat of the dense silence, the cafe doors swung open. A bright inexplicable light blinds the patrons and workers, Kermit couldn't handle it all and reverted to his tiny frog form. He hopped back into the kitchen.

"OAWh MAUY GAWD" They heard a voice squeal amongst the winds of glamor.

When the light seemed to gather and shrink, Sans could make out the outline of a short wide person. As she stepped further into his line of vision he realized just what he was getting into. Orange fur coated her young body, she had emerald green orbs sitting comfortably in her eye sockets, and her nipples like fully out and erect with the additional two sizes too small booty shorts.

"Daddy look at this place idn't it wondafull" The gorgeous lady croaked in a new york accent.

"Yes, pumpkin, simply scrumptious" An even oranger man said from behind her with platinum blonde hair and stunning baby blues. Wait, Donald J Trump?

"Um, I'm sorry can I help you?" Sans blinked as if this were the most bizarre situation he had been in.

Another man behind the woman spoke "Well, our little pumpkin spice sugar mocha latte here, and I have come because my brother-in-law died. We were invited to his funeral and he said you would be willing to keep my little Lorax for a bit. At least while I and trump get...!" he gasped softly with surprise as our 45th president yoinked him close with sexy eyes. "Well um... settled in" Joe Biden blushed leaning into his honey bunny's arms.

"What do you mean 'keep' her?" Sans eyebrow space furrowed.

"You know let her stay with you at your home? You did house Garfield for some time didn't you?" Joe rubbed his arms

Sans eyes widened, that's what this was about? That's right he had completely forgotten... Garfield invited his niece over to stay for the funeral. "I mean I guess she can stay with me. Are you sure you both don't have any room where you're staying?"

"Yeah mommy I don't want to stay with him he looks poor! Look at his busted-up Pantone 448C jacket!" The Lorax whined.

"I mean" Joe considered for a moment but suddenly let out a squeak his face going red, "U-Um yes! positive!" he said quietly, trying to ignore the way his daddy waddy pinched his gluteus maximus.

The skeleton just sighed and shooed the presidents from his cafe "Fine, I'll take her in the meantime. You both enjoy your stay" he watched as they hurriedly left the establishment, leaving their daughter playing on her phone boredly. "Lorax right?"

"It's THE Lorax to you. Broke ass." She hissed looking up from her phone. The Lorax's jaw nearly fell through the floor when she saw the sexiest, daddiest, frog known to man. Who was this hunk? "Um who's that"

"Oh, that's my friend Kermit! We've known each other for a little over a month now" Sans blushed smiling goofily. "I hope you don't mind, he'll be staying with us as well"

Friend? Kermit thought, was that all he was to Sans still? After all, they had been through? Was the gay sex really just platonic? He could feel his heart crack a little through his chest.

"Oh, e-em! Not at all actually" The Lorax smiled softly blushing at the frog.

Hayden was so tired of that stupid frog. He was always being such a nuisance and scaring customers from the cafe with his catastrophic allergies and beauty. He observed from afar in the kitchen, because he could see the crush bubbling up The Lorax's face from a mile away. Perhaps he could make this work in his favor... While a plan began to brew in Hayden's mind a smell pierced his nose, waking him from his distant stare into space smoke surrounded him. He coughed violently, another pair of toaster strudels ruined.

"OH GOD DAMNIT! M'kay"