Simula
When I was a little girl, everything in the universe fit into either of these two categories: wrong or right. Black or white.
Since I've grown up, I've left childish things behind me and realized that some actions are wrong and some actions are right.
Certain things are labeled as black while some things are categorized as white. But neither are the majority of things in the world.
The majority of things in the world are merely different; they rarely fall into any of the four categories of black, white, wrong, or right.
What if — there is more complicated than that? Because, if wrong actions sometimes results to doing something right then maybe sometimes — the wrong way is the right way, right?
You can take the wrong path and it still comes out where you want to be. Or, spin it another way, sometimes you can do everything wrong and it still turns out to be right.
"You sure you're leaving Davao, Trinity?" my sister, Ssen asked.
She's obviously talking me out of it. Nothing will change my mind. I am already packing my things, aalis na ako next week. I worked hard for this and I'm pretty sure I can do this.
"Why not? I have already planned this years ago, I am eager to study Medicine in Manila, Ssen." I firmly said, not taking my eyes off my luggage.
"Why not here in Davao? Davao has lots of things to offer sayo, Trin. May DMSF naman ah? You can surely enroll there, you know a lot of people there, you'll not be left out." pangangatwiran nya.
I eyed her carefully, "Ssen, we have already talked about this a million times. I am old enough to take care of myself. I want to do this, I really do want to do this."
"I want to prove something to myself, I will be working there as a part-time medical technologist while studying medicine and I want this for myself, I need this." dagdag ko pa.
"Okay, I get it but you can always do that here in Davao, you know? You can also be independent here." she murmured silently.
I decided not to answer at iniwas ang tingin sakanya.
Nobody gets me, I want to do this so badly that it hurts me when I know that they are against my plans, they keep on insisting that I belong here in Davao because they are here.
But, I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.
As time passes, there is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me and I have learned that the hardest way possible.
"Or maybe independency isn't your true reason." napabaling ako sakanya, I stared at her blankly, urging and daring her to finish her phrases.
She stared back at me. "Am I right? You're going there fo-" I cut her off.
"Don't." I firmly said.
"Just don't. Don't associate my dreams and goals with your crazy assumptions, Ssen. Just don't. You have no right to invalidate or question my reasons as to why I plan to do this. Everything is not about her, this is just all about me." iniwas ko ang tingin ko sakanya.
I knew she would be brought up everytime we talk about me, living in manila and spending my medicine school there and I hate it.
I knew that I am doing this for myself and myself only but, there will always be a part of me that continues to seek for her and for her only. Regardless, I am still doing this because this is what I want and this is what I need.
