Kabanata 1
Insanity
Everything turns, rotates, spins, circles, loops, pulsates, resonates and repeats. It goes round and round, its cycle has been making me lose my mind.
The pulses that luminates seeking to breathe and breathe to survive. Spiraling affinity through the eyes of time and into the sea of stars.
Amidst this pandemic, my perception of things have been altered. The worry and weariness in our everyday lives is evident.
We are all trying to survive each day. It made a big impact to us, to our overall well - being.
Hindi ko talaga alam if tatapusin ko na ba ang modules ko o hindi pa, deadlines are fast approaching but wala pa akong natatapos.
It has been like this since the start of pandemic. Covid has erratically changed the way I live my life as a student.
Before pandemic, napaka active ko sa school organization at laging grade level representative sa student council. Well, I thought it was fun. It was really fun until it lasted.
Ngayon, wala akong ginawa kundi mag procrastinate and I even started playing mobile legends, sabay sa uso lang.
My phone suddenly beeped.
Jacky:
Tapos ka na ba sa GenBio modules? Pakopyaaaaa.
Napabungtong hininga nalang ako. Wala pa akong nasisimulan but instead, I replied that I was done with it, hoping that it would wake up the student in me to finish it agad agad. I even told her na isesend ko sakanya tonight before 10 pm.
Jacky:
Sigeeeee. Hintayin ko ha HAHAHAHHAHA.
Jacky's one of my closest friends, we are actually a circle of friends composed of 10 people. Jacky, Zarena, Kim, CJ, David, Frances, Cielo and I took Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) as our strand.
Anj took Accountancy and Business Management (ABM) while Ella took Humanities and Social Sciences (HUMSS).
We were all classmate nung grade 9 and grade 10 but we've known each other since elementary. It is a total chaos when we are all together, especially when we have teas to be spilled.
They are also very reliable, they're on of my support system. I treat them as sisters.
Instead of doing what I have to do, I decided to just go out since hindi na ako nakakalabas masyado. Gusto ko lang naman maglakad lakad, just to breathe fresh air since palagi akong nakakulong sa kwarto.
In times like this, I often think about the path that I plan to take and often criticize my skills and knowledge because why not? I am just giving myself the benefit of the doubt.
Doubt had married my fear and moved into my head, where it built castles, governed kingdoms, and reigned over me.
I've been chained, a prisoner of my own thoughts, and I'm attempting to liberate myself against the depths of my thoughts.
Drowned in my thoughts, I bumped into someone unfamillar.
"Sorry." I apologized.
"Ayos lang." he-- she said quitely.
I squinted my eyes. At first glance, I thought she was a he. She was tall and when I say tall, I meant, tall - tall, her skin is as white as sheet and did I mention how good she smells? Gosh, she smells so fucking good.
I stared at her for about 2 minutes before I snapped back to reality. Well, that was awkward. She may think I'm a psychopath due to my intense staring. I couldn't help it, she's really handsome, fuck.
Her eyes caught my eyes, her eyes looks like they're sparkling.
"Ayos ka lang ba?" she asked when she noticed my stiffness.
Gosh, this is so humiliating. Her voice is so soothing to the soul.
"Huh? Oo oy, okay rako, nakuratan lang" I answered her in bisaya, assuring her that I am okay and I was just shocked.
She then looked at me cluelessly. "ha?" she seemed clueless on what I have said.
"Sorry pero hindi kasi ako nakakaintindi ng bisaya." she then said which made my lips turned to an o shape then nodded.
Oh- that means she's not from Davao right? Duh, malamang trinity. Minsan talaga nabobobohan ako sa sarili ko but sadyang loading lang talaga ako mag isip these days.
"Sabi ko ayos lang ako, nabigla lang." I explained, she just simply nodded then headed her way from where she intended to go.
I was left there standing. Narealize ko rin kung gaano ako kalutang today, ano ba ginagawa ko. I should be doing my modules today, not roaming around here, ni hindi ko nga alam kung saan ba talaga ako pupunta e.
I then decided that I should go home and do my tasks that has been hanging around for weeks. I am so dead if hindi ko yun matatapos on time, mabagal pa naman ako magsulat.
While heading home, lumilipad na naman ang isip ko. Her eyes are something. The eye sees more than the mind can comprehend.
We go through life self-blinded to much that lies before us. We want a simple world, but we live in a magnificently complex one, and rather than open ourselves to it, we perceive the world through filters that make it less daunting.
I hate that even in the simplest thing, I make it much more complicated when I think about it deeply. As a result, it leaves me hungry for more things to think of. I think my sanity is saying goodbye to me.
Think. Think. Think. We can never really trust the human mind anyway. It's a death trap. The sharpest minds often ruin their lives by overthinking the next step, while the dull win the race with eyes closed.
I then forced myself to leave my mind blank then quickly headed home.
