Down To Ride

4. It's Hard Out Here

Spencer James

"No!" Spencer's eyes instantly opened. 

Spencer winced in pain as he used his arms to lift himself up and rest his back against the headboard. His body was drenched in sweat as he clutched onto his chest to help control his breathing. 

Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!

The sounds of a gun going off, constantly rang through his ears. He closed his eyes and covered his ears as the sound became to suffocating for him. 

"This is not real" he told himself as he tried to catch his breath. His panic intensified at the sudden movement in the bed. He heaved a sigh of relief as he realized the movement was coming from Olivia.

"Spencer?" she leaned over to turn on the light. His shifting in the bed had woke her up from her sleep.

"I ain't mean to wake you" he watched as she sat up in their bed. "You should get some rest" he told her as he felt his eyes began to water.

"You were having another nightmare?" she inquired and Spencer slightly nodded his head. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked and he shook his head 'no'.

"Okay..." Olivia frowned as she felt helpless.  "When you're ready to, just know that I'm here" she told him and he glanced back at her.

Olivia scooted closer to Spencer, opening her arms wide. "Come here" she invited him to lean on her. Spencer accepted her invitation and gently rested on her chest.

"I'm sorry that you're experiencing this.." she began. "I know it may not seem like it, but you're going to get through this. It's going to be okay, baby" Olivia pecked the top of his head as she gently ran her fingers across his shoulders. 

Her heart broke as she listened to Spencer weep into her arms. She held him as tightly as she could in an effort to comfort him during this period of dismay. Olivia herself had been struggling since the incident, but she knew the amount of anguish she had could not measure to how Spencer had been feeling.

It had been three months since Spencer had been shot in front of his store. The shooting that would change the trajectory of his life. Since the day of the shooting, he had not been back in South Central nor the store. He had no further plan in returning to his home city, the same area that practically ended his life.

Though Spencer had survived the shooting, a part of him died that day. Not only was he forced to deal with the physical agony of his injuries, but his mental health was depleting. The constant ptsd and anxiety had taken a toll on him and his livelihood. He'd been fighting the same fight daily. The only thing that kept him going was his wife and children. But even then he still felt helpless on some days.

Though he was grateful to have her by his side, he hated the stress this caused on his relationship with Olivia. And though Olivia would never admit it to him, he knew she was overwhelmed with him.

"I'm sorry" Spencer sat up from Olivia's chest. "I ain't mean to do all of this" he chuckled as he wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"Spencer you experienced something traumatic. You don't need to apologize for feeling how you feel" Olivia told him. "I just want you to be okay" she said as she felt her eyes water.

"And I am. I'm okay now" he assured her. "See...all good" Spencer plastered a smile on his face. 

"Spencer-"

"Baby I'm good" he grabbed her hand and pecked it. "Let's just...let's go back to sleep. We've got to rest" he suggested and she frowned. 

Spencer rested his head on her chest and placed his hand on her growing pregnant belly. Within minutes, he glanced up at Olivia as he heard light snores coming from her. Though he knew he wanted to sleep, he was afraid of going back to sleep. He did not want to keep constantly reliving the moment he was shot in his dreams. Instead he sat with his thoughts as he watched the time on the clock click.