Down To Ride

49. Feelings Don't Lie

Olivia Baker

*2 weeks later*

"I hate coming here...but I think I hate leaving here more. It's strange how I can feel his presence when we're here" Olivia told Jordan as the two of them exited the cemetery. The siblings were visiting their father's gravesite on the second anniversary of his death. Olivia decided she would decorate his headstone with a variety of different flowers and wreaths.

"Who are you telling" Jordan lightly chuckled. "Truth be told, Liv, it hasn't gotten any easier. Trying to live life without him physically here" he said as they entered his car.

"I don't think it ever will, truthfully. I feel like I've been holding my breath for two years" Olivia buckled her seatbelt. "I...I always imagined he would be here, Jordan. He'd be at my wedding...he'd be spending time with the kids...being here with us and mom" she continued and Jordan just listened.

"That void will never be filled" Jordan said. "Since I've been going through everything with Simone and other things...I miss him now more than ever. His wisdom could be used right about now. But I guess anything he's ever taught me could only be implemented from here on out" he told her and Olivia nodded her head.

"...I've done a lot of reflecting about your situation with Simone and...you were right" Olivia began and Jordan glanced at her. "Spencer and I have been hard on you regarding your break up with Simone that we haven't fully acknowledge that you are not okay either. The break up did not only hurt her, but it hurt you too. You two were together for so long, the way and how it ended was completely devestating. Spencer and I probably would've reacted irrationally if either of us thought about leaving one another" she joked and Jordan cracked a smile.

"I get your take on it. I understand that Simone is your girl-"

"But you're my brother, Jordan" Olivia interrupted him. "Truth be told, none of us have this life shit figured out. We're just going where the wind blows. We are bound to make mistakes...but it's how we choose to move forward, is what truly matters. I am sorry for not being supportive of you during your time of dismay. You needed Spencer and I the most...and we basically turned against you. That was wrong on our end" she explained.

"I wouldn't say you completely turned against me. You were holding me accountable in essence. Some of it was deserved...." Jordan heaved a big sigh. "I've been an asshole to all three of you recently and it is not my fondest moments" he told her and Olivia nodded.

"I know, but don't beat yourself up about it. I mean you're going through a rough break up and also grieving the loss of a child. Give yourself some grace. The goal is to be the better version of yourself than you were prior" Olivia reminded. "The aim is to outweigh the pain from days we've had" she continued.

"I hear you" Jordan nodded his head. "Liv?" he briefly glanced at her.

"Yes?" she stared out of the window.

"You're actually quite insightful..." Jordan complimented and she smiled. "When you're not being annoying" he joked and Olivia playfully rolled her eyes.

"You're not that bad yourself" Olivia laughed. "I would like for us to...have these types of conversations more often. Besides mom and some of our other loved ones...you and I are all that we have" she mentioned.

"I know" Jordan agreed. "It's just kind of hard to because you...have your own immediate family now" he stated and Olivia frowned.

"I know our relationship hasn't always been the best growing up, and things have changed now that I do have Spencer and our kids, but I am willing to squeeze in some more time with my brother. Having you in my life is one of my biggest blessings. There's nothing like the love from a sibling" Olivia told him and Jordan smiled. "Have you talked to Simone, recently?" she inquired, changing the subject.