In the midst of the lupins

𝙸𝙸𝙸

In the morning, as it turned out, no sleep existed. There is only harsh reality. And while I'm underage, I'll have to live with my aunt under the same roof. From those days my life started on autopilot.

My mom once told me that Jisoo can't have children and because of that, her only marriage in her life broke up after 3 years. Fate decreed otherwise. She brought us together. But is it good? Is my aunt happy that I'm here?

As a rule, we met with her for breakfast and dinner. We didn't talk much. And they exchanged banal phrases like: "Hi, hello, how are you, how are you at school, bye, good luck."

At first everything was fine. My aunt worked constantly. But one day, it seemed to me that her life passes, like mine, mechanically. More than once I pulled her out of a deep trance. For five months since the day my mother left, she had been reserved. This played a cruel joke on her. It's summer vacation, which means it's my mother's birthday. After that, she probably realized who she had lost.

If from the very beginning I did not burn with the desire to communicate with her, now it has completely disappeared as soon as my aunt developed bad habits. Until that moment, she had never allowed herself alcohol, even on holidays, and even more so cigarettes. And sometimes not cigarettes or tobacco at all, but something stronger, for example, marijuana. She came home from work late, already drunk, and then she could not sleep without sleeping pills. In her sleep, she often muttered her sister's name.

Living with her under the same roof became harder and harder. I wanted to run away. I wanted a breath of fresh air, not tobacco smoke. I wanted space, peace and beauty. I would have fled to that forest... but now I associated it with blocked breathing, cold hands and snow with white carnations.

And what if he finds me, drags me into the forest? What would happen if he strangled me again? What is special about my death? What is the reason for my fear if in this way I see my parents?

That's right, none of this makes sense.

The next day was sunny. The most suitable to leave this mortal world. I took my travel card, phone, player and headphones with me. Everything else didn't make sense. Maybe I can even repeat the fate of my father, while no one is watching? I don't know what will be there. But one thing I knew was that I didn't want to go back to my aunt.

"Are you going?" she asked hungover.

"Yes... I'll go for a walk with my friends."

"A-ah," Jisoo drawled, smiling weakly, "Okay. Come back in time for dinner so the food doesn't get cold."

"Yes. Well then... before dinner?"

"Bye-bye," she waved at me, and probably for the last time.

Forgive me somehow...

I left the house very early in the morning. Even the asphalt did not heat up, did not exhaust its ardent heat. A fresh breeze blew. He caressed the face and exposed areas of the body, penetrated between the hair and invigorated. I went out into the sun-drenched street, absorbing the gentle warmth. I got to the stop and got on an empty bus — on Saturday morning everyone rests at home. Then I plugged my ears with music and plunged into a completely empty world. I watched the rays of the sun play in the foliage, and did not want to say goodbye to them. But the prettiness ended as soon as an evergreen corner appeared before my eyes. That's how he's always been in my memory.

I went into the forest and was strangely surprised. It seemed to me that I would begin to tremble with fear like an aspen leaf, but I felt nothing but warm light. My legs carried a wadded body, plunging everything into a sleepy valley of picturesque greenery.