In the midst of the lupins

𝚅𝙸

All the way from the Botanical Garden to the house we walked in silence. And I imagined how I turn around and run away from her, from the noisy city, from annoying people to my quiet and picturesque corner, alluring with just one imprint in my head, and then I meet Theo and fall into his arms. But, unfortunately, all this remained an unsuccessful idea.

"Beomgyu. So why don't you tell me what's wrong? And what about your hair?"

I wonder what she wants to hear: sweet lies or cruel truth? I don't know what came over me when I came home, I probably just didn't want to be here, and an inner voice screamed: "Your place is not here!". When deathly silence covered us, I did not understand what to do at all. My hatred shot out in an endless stream of itself.

"Is it that hard to guess?" I said for starters with restraint, "Why did I want to live anywhere but here?"

"Beomgyu... what are you talking about?" her eyes widened in silent surprise.

"And the fact that I lacked fresh air, peace and quiet, balance, support, in the end, which I did not have!" now my voice is in a raised tone.

"So," she concluded with a note of incomprehension, "are you blaming me now?"

"Did I say that?"

"Your words and the hidden agenda in them speak for themselves. You are clearly unhappy with living under the same roof with me."

"Wow... how did you guess?" I asked reproachfully.

"Why are you accusing me? After all, I do everything so that you live without needing anything. I understand that you are as saddened as I am by what happened..."

"Don't involve my mother in this. You're the one who started all this partying."

"Beomgyu, you are absolutely right. And your mother... my sister is a holy person!"

And then I realized that even now she was in a state of slight intoxication.

"I don't see the point in continuing the conversation."

"You don't agree with me?"

"That's enough... let's just end the conversation. You found me, so it's all right."

"Your mother tried her best and everything for you!" she exclaimed unexpectedly, which stopped me on the threshold of the kitchen, and she continued her speech, "How do you not understand? She had hereditary depression, she tried for you, put up with an unloved job and at the same time smiled at you, but at my house she cried. She didn't know how to tell your father about it. Rest in peace."

"So, if she complained to you, you could have foreseen what happened!" I turned around and said angrily, ignoring the trembling voice, "You could have dissuaded her, but you did nothing!"

"Well, who am I? How was I to know, Beomgyu?"

"Exactly, that only you could know about it from your own words, and you accuse me. God, what's the point?"

"Beomgyu, wait," her face twisted with a headache, and her hand touched her temple, but I did not want to listen to anything and went to my room.

I lay on the bed until dinner and did not understand whether it was worth going out at all, eating something, continuing to drag my existence further? I left my fortress only when a great idea came into my unfortunate head: to make another escape. But for this I need strength, so I still went to the kitchen and warmed up my dinner.

I'll still find a convenient opportunity to escape. I no longer saw the meaning without a radiant paradise...

It will be suspicious to immediately run away at first. I think that I will last the second, third, and even the fourth day. Moreover, I wanted to see my friends and at least apologize to them for the trouble they had brought. And three days later, we finally met in full force, when the ice cream brothers returned home from a family trip.