Candlelight

Chapter 4 - Coming Home

Being with Ahsoka again just... hurts. It reminds him of how he lost all of this, and now he has it back again. Anakin can't entirely understand how or what that means but having normal conversations with someone is not his forte. It never has been, but it's significantly worse now.

The thought of taking care of Ahsoka is terrifying. He doesn't trust himself to. He failed Padme. He failed everyone. And he failed Ahsoka once before. Anakin can't do that again, but he doesn't want to refuse her, either. That would be cruel. He doesn't know what to do. He would ask, but there is no one to ask. It hurts to interact with her, knowing what would've happened in the future. What likely might still happen, because Anakin has no idea how much will even be allowed to change. Everything is the will of the Force, after all, and it might've sent him back, but he can only hope that he wasn't sent back here as some sort of... punishment. He doesn't think the Force could be that cruel.

All he does know is that he feels lost. Completely. Entirely. He cannot trust people anymore. He can't trust the Council, and he can hardly tolerate even being around Obi-Wan. He trusts the Force, blindly, but not so much his own connection to it.

But he has his entire family back now, and he doesn't know what that means. He's not quite as alone as he's used to, and he doesn't know how to handle it.

He's not sure what to do about Ahsoka though – that's his biggest concern, even as he continues working through the lightsaber forms on his own, trying to rebalance himself. Now that he's more conscious and doesn't feel as exhausted as he did when he was fighting Ventress, it's considerably easier, though it'll take time for him to become accustomed to being free of that... suit.

He still thinks 'torture device' is a more appropriate term.

Not that it matters. (Not that he didn't deserve it.)

The lightsaber hums oddly in his hands, but it resonates deep within him – this was once his. It still feels like him, though it's different than what he's used to.

Anakin is still getting used to what it's like to feel, but breathing is the hardest part. He's trying his best not to think about it, but it's not getting easier. Not yet, anyway, though he longs for something to cover himself. To hide himself in.

He feels light enough that it feels like he's floating, and the hardest part is getting re-accustomed to the lightness, and to the lack of pain, though his right arm is throbbing faintly now. It feels... good. It's grounding.

Anakin is distracted enough with it, with trying to move faster and just remember, when Obi-Wan enters the room. He finds himself freezing immediately, uncertain – he doesn't know what his once master is doing here. Doesn't know if he's here to hurt or...

He suddenly feels self-conscious. Obi-Wan isn't his enemy anymore, but his instincts kick in anyway, demanding that he hide all weakness from an enemy. Being fair, enemy or not, Obi-Wan still caused him unfathomable pain.

"What are you doing?" Anakin asks, lamely, fingers curled around his lightsaber. He feels jittery. Tense.

"I came to see if you were alright," Obi-Wan replies. "I know you were struggling."

Anakin doesn't object that Obi-Wan has other, more important things to do, because if the Council thinks Anakin needs someone to keep an eye on him, he's not surprised. He doesn't blame them. He would think so, too. In some ways, he still does, though it's... humiliating. He doesn't want Obi-Wan to see his struggles. Not when he's one of the people who caused it.

Anakin looks away, nodding slightly. "What has the Council decided?" he inquires.

"We'll give you the information when we gather it," Obi-Wan replies. "Have you eaten?"