Candlelight

Chapter 7 - Panic

Author's Note: Anakin has a panic attack. Multiple panic attacks. All in all, he is having a Very Bad day. :')

~ Amina Gila

It's not until Anakin reaches the gunship in the Temple hangar where both Rex and Ahsoka are that he starts feeling a tiny bit less... spacy.

They both, predictably, instantly know something is wrong. Ahsoka moves to him first when the doors shut and the ship lifts off, her hands on his arms, and he almost wants to pull away because he doesn't want her to pick up whatever in the galaxy is wrong with him. "Master, what's wrong?" she asks, looking up at him.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," he says finally, shaking his head. He doesn't feel like this unless he's in battle, which he's not.

"What do you mean?" Ahsoka asks, frowning.

"I don't know." He feels exhausted now, like something is sapping out all his energy but he doesn't want to sit down because he's... it doesn't feel safe.

"What happened?" Rex asks, and his voice feels like it's filtering in from too far away. How in the galaxy is he supposed to fight a battle when he can't even stay present? How does he know he's not going to get everyone killed? How does he...

"Focus on me," Ahsoka asks, shaking him. "You're panicking."

Panicking? That actually sounds about right. Sounds familiar. "Yeah," he rasps.

"We're going to help Master Secura somewhere. Did you hear that, at least?"

"No?" He doesn't remember hearing, or maybe he does but he's just too tired to think about it. Too tired and too scared. "Something is..."

"I know, I know," Ahsoka answers, and now that he thinks about it, she sounds the slightest bit freaked out, too. "I've gone through this before sometimes, too."

Rex is standing near him, too, now, and Anakin appreciates that, though it makes him feel pathetic for being so... weak.

And he needs to stop hating himself, but that's all he's good at, right?

"Okay," Ahsoka says, looking back at him – he hadn't even noticed she looked away. "Sit down." He doesn't, the words taking too long to register. She makes an annoyed sound and shoves him down – it works fast enough, he thinks, though he hasn't sat down fast in a very long time. Ahsoka herself kneels in front of him. She lowers her left arm to shove the end of her skirt under her knees when she hits the floor – something about that move jars as wrong in his mind, though he can't quite remember why right now. Rex moves forwards, shifting his helmet to his left arm and kneeling on Anakin's other side.

Air is coming in short and shallow, and it feels like he can't breathe, and that's reminding him of when he died and of... the second-last time he fought Obi-Wan. It's reminding him of when he was incapable of moving and – and everything.

"Hey." Ahsoka sounds scared. Is he scaring her? It wouldn't be the first time. "Can I touch you?"

He thinks he would like that, maybe, but he can't get out an answer. Something is wrong with him, somethingiswrongwithhim –

Ahsoka unexpectedly moves forwards, climbing into his lap. She's lighter than he remembered, but she's warm and present and it's... nice to have it. He wraps his arms around her instinctively, holding her body against him. It's been so, so long. He's missed this.

Rex moves closer, laying his hand on Anakin's shoulder. It's unusual for them to touch each other, at least for Rex to initiate it, but Anakin is still grateful for it. Rex's presence is always calm and soothing and grounding. He's something of an immovable rock that's soft and smooth and –