Look for the Light

4

Joel stared at you for some time. His mouth opened and closed as he processed what you'd just told him.

"Joel?"

"Where did you find a pregnancy test?" He asked and you rolled your eyes.

"Does it really matter where I found them?" You asked and he shook his head.

"How did this happen?" He asked and you shook your head.

"Pulling out isn't exactly 100 per cent effective but I guess we've not been that careful."

"What do you mean?" He asked you you sighed before answering.

"I don't think that night... the night we got pissed on whiskey... I um..."

"You what?"

"I don't think you pulled out." You finished and he groaned.

"Shit." He breathed as he leaned back against the tree behind him.

"I know this is not ideal but-"

"Ideal?" Joel blanched "This is a fuckin' nightmare."

You shrunk back at his statement, hand resting on your belly as you waited for him to say something.

"Those tests must be nearly twenty years out of date." He continued "What if it's a false positive?"

"Unlikely. Besides, they're both positive." You stated as you pulled the second test from your pocket.

"Shit." Joel gasped as he looked at the stick of plastic in your hand "This can't be happening." He said, shaking his head and you felt years prick at your eyes "There'll be a doctor somewhere that can fix this!"

"What do you mean, fix it?" You growled and he looked up at you with teary eyes.

"Terminate it." He answered as he reached out to put his hand on top of yours but you shrank back "Wha...." His eyes widened at your reaction and his stomach twisted "You're not seriously thinking we should keep it?"

"We... don't have to do anything!" You scoffed "I want to!... If you don't want to do this with me then that's fine. I'll find somewhere safe to raise them on my own."

"Come on, you can't be serious darlin'? This world is no place for a baby!"

"And it never will be." You growled "Yet life has to go on." You finished before snatching the tests back and stuffing them into your pocket "Good to know how you feel about all this." You grumbled as you stood and quietly made your way back to your sleeping bag.

That was that then!... you were in this alone.

Joel didn't move from his seat on the forest floor. His eyes were glued to you as he watched your shoulders silently shake... knowing you were sobbing to yourself about his reaction to the news you were carrying his child.

Truth be told, he'd never imagined he would have the chance to be a father again after he'd lost Sarah. His wife had died just a few years after she was born and then, on that fateful day, his world had ground to a halt. Not for one second in the twenty years that followed had he allowed himself to hope that perhaps one day, he might get the chance to be a dad again.

Now he was going to be and he wasn't sure he wanted to be.

...

Morning came and you and Joel spoke all but one word to each other.

"Coffee?"

"Sure."

Ellie watched the two of you with what looked like an exasperated expression but you dared not push her for why. You didn't want to think about anything more than getting back on the road and finding somewhere to settle.