Look for the Light

6

You were frantic as you desperately tried to keep Joel's blood inside him. His blood-curdling scream as you pressed the bloody rag in your hands onto his stomach had you sobbing.

"Stay with me, Joel." You choked as you glanced at the man.

His head pressed back onto the towel under it, the veins in his neck prominent and his skin three shades whiter than usual. Ellie sat in the corner, anxiously chewing her thumbnail as she watched you work on Joel. Her eyes filled with tears as the man cried out with each poke and prod.

Joel looked up at you, his bottom lip quivering as he weakly watched you panic. His heart ached to tell you that it was going to be okay but he knew it wouldn't. He was losing blood quickly and was almost certainly going into shock. If that didn't kill him, the infection from his wound would. His time was up and he knew it.

"Leave." Joel choked, tears welling in his eyes as he watched you continue to try and save him "Leave." He repeated a little more forcefully and you scoffed.

"Shut up, Joel."

"Take the gun."

"Joel shut the fսck up!" Ellie growled and she crawled to his side and took his hand in hers. "You go." He said with a little more force, shoving Ellie back before trying to do the same to you "You go. You go north. You go to Tommy." He forced out, his breath coming in short pants and had him feeling dizzy "You go." He said one more time, eyes watching as Ellie got up and stormed up the stairs in a fit of rage.

"We're not leaving you here to die Joel." You growled, ignoring Ellie's outburst "Don't be stupid."

"Please." He all but whispered to you "Please get her to safety."

"Joel-"

"This is the last thing I will ask of you." He interrupted, tears falling freely now "I'm as good as dead baby." He choked, the term of endearment making your heart skip "Please, just take her back to Tommy. She'll be safe with him."

"Joel." You sobbed, taking his hand and squeezing it.

Suddenly everything that had happened in the last few months. All the guilt you felt for the animosity and anger you directed towards the man for the past three or so months suddenly consumed you. You realised you still loved him. That was painfully clear now as you held his bloody hand in your own.

"Please darlin'." He pleaded again "I've made so many mistakes... with you, Tommy and especially with Ellie but I need to die knowing she's safe."

"You're not going to die Joel." You growled, unable to admit that he was indeed dying.

Your mind wandered to the conversation you'd shared with him when you'd left Jackson. How bitter you had been towards him for his choice to leave her with Tommy in the first place. You'd known that he was just trying to do the right thing but you were so angry that you'd chosen not to acknowledge that.

Now he could die thinking you blamed him.

5 days earlier...

You woke early and sat with Ellie as she waited for Tommy to turn up. Joel had been gone by the time you'd woken up that morning and you'd found yourself feeling even more angry about that fact. The man was a coward if he had just run out on you both rather than at least say goodbye.

When Tommy stepped into the room Ellie had called hers for the night, you both stood and walked out, not a word being shared between the three of you as you made your way to the stables. When you walked into the dimly lit structure, your feet stopped dead in their tracks as you came across Joel, saddling a horse with days worth of supplies. When his gaze drifted up to look at the three of you, you could see the conflicted look in his eyes and your shoulders dropped. He was a complicated man and you knew that.