paper balls, shidou ryusei ✓

𖥻 06 - paper balls.

like a zombie, you just sat on your bed a few days and did nothing but stare bitterly at the jar, which was still on the shelf just as ryusei had found it.

you've been one emotional wreck ever since.

you didn't even want to know what you looked like right now, your mother would check on you every now and then to make sure you were even alive, since you never showed your face again.

she just hoped that you were actually eating the food she always brought to your room and not starving yourself.

of course, your mother immediately realized that ryusei must be the reason for your miserable state of mind. after all, she had known for quite some time that you were in love with him. if not, even longer than even you did.

the glint in your eyes when you saw ryusei's smile spoke for themselves; there was no other person with whom you had felt more comfortable than with your then best friend. you could always be yourself with him without being judged, you could tell him things without hesitation, knowing that he would not tell anyone else, you could also always count on him if something didn't go right. now that this important person was gone, you didn't know what to do.

ryusei was always your better half and without him, you weren't whole. the blond sighed deeply.

sighing deeply you still stared at the vessel with an incredible anger that it was almost absurd and shortly after, you couldn't take it anymore - you got up from the bed frantically, whereupon you felt dizzy for a moment, you shook your head before walking toward the shelf to pick up the jar and open it.

just as you were about to put the paper balls into the trash can, you remembered what sae told you just a few days ago.

to you, the paper balls may seem insignificant, but to ryusei, it's much more than just rolled up pieces of paper.

what the hell did he mean by that?

you sat the jar back down at the end of the bed to look at it more closely, turning it back and forth. it was quite unspectacular, moreover, you felt more than just ridiculous.

opening the jar again to take out a paper ball you placed it on your palm while your eyebrows furrowed as you did so.

did those paper balls actually broke everything?

immediately you shook your head.

as if ryusei would kiss you, right?

a painful tugging arose in your chest; you didn't even want to think about it, because you knew you gambled it away for yourself.

slowly you took the paper ball in your hand between your fingers and rolled it back and forth a bit.

even though you wanted to stop, the thought of ryusei and you together made your heart beat faster, as it often did. it was hopeless, you knew that best yourself, but if reality wouldn't give you anything, your imagination did.

you he bit your lower lip, the paper ball still between your fingers. lost in thought, you barely noticed how the ball slowly unfolded itself until it was just a crumpled piece of paper. you sighed loudly again as a sad smile stretched across your face - you were about to let the paper disappear back into the jar, but you noticed something about it that you never saw before.

the piece of paper had something written on it.

confused, you furrowed your brow.

you unfolded the paper completely to see that there was even a whole sentence written on it.

slowly you read it through, your eyes widening after each letter.

i can't stop thinking about you.