me and the devil (rafe x kiara)

Chapter Four: Kie

"I need you to take that shot before I pour it down your throat," Sarah said, eyebrows raised at me. I groaned, tipping my head back and pouring the liquid fire down my throat, hissing slightly at the burn of it. I felt an immediate swirling warmth in my stomach.

We were all gathered around a giant bonfire on the beach, total pogue style. Red solo cups in every hand, some beachy indie band blaring through the speakers JJ stole us a few years back. The bikini-clad girls and board short bearing boys all chatter around the flickering roar of the flames.

"Fuck," I hissed, pouring myself another and slamming it back just as quickly. Sarah laughed, mouth agape at me. She definitely wasn't used to me drinking, but tonight, it was all I wanted to do.

Because I couldn't get her brother's dirty fucking face out of mind. It was like he sensed I'd finally cleansed him from my system, so he came back to reclaim his hold over me. I'd spent an embarrassing amount of time pining over Rafe Cameron, just for him to decide one taste of me was enough for him. No matter how passionate that one taste had been. He'd just fucked the thought of me out of his system and never thought twice about it.

It was fucking infuriating.

So, I decide to test my luck and pour another shot. If I'm not careful, I'm going to end up shit-faced, but I can't bring myself to care. Maybe I'd stumble back home and fall in the ocean and drift far, far away from Rafe Cameron. Maybe end up on a nice island somewhere, contended and alone.

"What's got you bent out of shape?" It was JJ, just another trip down memory lane I couldn't think about right now. I poured him a shot and held it out to him. He smiled at me and took the shot, holding out his tongue and his eyes shut with a shake of his head.

"Can't a girl take shots without something being wrong?" I say, looking anywhere but his eyes. He'd see right through me.
"Girls? Yes. You? No." He gives me a knowing look, as if daring to prove me wrong.

Like divine intervention, Pope emerges from the house holding a joint in the palm of his hands like something holy, singing some old church choir song in the deepest voice he could muster. He walks to me and JJ, yelling over his shoulder for Sarah and John B.

"You love me," Sarah smiles with relief once she lays eyes on the weed.

"Indeed," Pope says, sticking it in his mouth and cupping his hands to light it away from the blow of the wind. He inhales deeply with closed eyes, dancing quietly as he begins to blow the billowing cloud of smoke from his lips.

Pope passed the blunt to John B, who shotguns the smoke from his mouth into Sarah's, who coughs slightly, laughing and leaning her forehead affectionately into John B.'s shoulder. I watch as my friends all soak up being with each other again, but I can't help but feel miles away from it all.

"You guys will never guess whose bitch ass I saw at the marina earlier," JJ scoffed humorlessly. He grabs the blunt next, taking multiple big puffs before passing it off to me. Even feeling the familiar texture between my fingers threatens to bring me to my knees in relief.

I suck in, breathing the hot air deeply into my lungs. I hold it there for as many seconds as I can before exhaling and repeating. I pass it back to Pope, our rotation beginning its next round. Pope's weed is no joke. I can already feel the effects set in, and immediately feel the buzz of the body high. My skin tingles with the night air's kiss. I hum, eyes closed and watching the dancing orange and red hues from behind my eyelids.

"Who?" Sarah's voice is small, cautious. Her arm is threaded through John B's as she leans into him for warmth.

"Your pussy ass brother," JJ howls, but the laughter does not meet his eyes. Sarah's lips part and she stares into the fire. From that look alone, I know she had no clue her brother was back in town. For her, it probably felt almost as scary as it did for me. At least once Rafe decided to have nothing to do with Sarah, he was done for good. I think he'd follow me into my grave if it meant he could get under my skin one last time.

"JJ, why didn't you tell me?" Sarah sounds hurt.

"I'm telling you right now," he shrugged. He plops down into the sand, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I mean, what's he gonna do, Sarah? Dude's probably a fucking crackhead by now," John B laughs, and I see the metaphorical knife he just drove into Sarah's heart. She scoffs, heading back to the table to pour herself another shot. I decide to follow her.

"Pour me one, too?"

She nods, extending her arm to hand me the shot glass. We both take them quickly, already at the point of drunk that shots no longer register. Good. Maybe part of that tingling in my limbs was actually numbness from the quart of alcohol I'd slugged.

"I can't believe he's back," she says quietly, eyes staring at the floor, but her mind was somewhere very far from where she stood now. In dark places I'm sure no on else knew about. To call Rafe toxic was a gross understatement. He was a fucking monster.

"Me either," I say, in much the same mental state as her in that moment. Which I couldn't say, of course. Sarah never knew about anything that had happened between me and Rafe.

"Do you think he'll come find me?"

I ponder it for a moment and then shake my head.

"No, I don't really think so. Rafe is vindictive, but he holds so many grudges he can't even keep up," I don't meet her eyes for fear that she'd reach into my soul and wrench out the truth. But I couldn't tell her the truth. I'd probably never be able to tell anyone. No one would understand.

"Okay, here's the plan- we all go to Vee's," JJ shouts at us, running over and tossing sand behind him. He hooks his arms over mine and Sarah's shoulders and waggles his eyebrows, attempting to coerce us into wanting to go to a dirty dive bar with him. JJ had been trying to fuck the bartender for months now. He was persistent, I'd give him that.

"I mean, I'm down," Sarah smiles with a shrug, and directs her attention to me. I look back and forth between Sarah and JJ, nausea filling my gut. I couldn't go. I don't know why, but I just couldn't.

"Actually guys, I'm really not feeling so hot," I lied. "I think I'm gonna turn in for the night." Sarah pouts and JJ nods solemnly.

"Maybe go easier on the shots next time, Kie," JJ teases, reaching to ruffle my hair before going back to the boys. Sarah chews her lush bottom lip nervously.

"Do you want me to come with you?" She asks. Ever the loyal friend.

"No, you guys go! Have fun! Don't let me hold you back. Honestly, I'm fine, just kind of ready to be in my bed." She nods, understanding exactly what I mean. She squeezed my arm affectionately and then left me standing alone.

I took a deep breath, mentally cursing myself for being me.