We were always meant to be

Chapter 1

I am sorry! I am so sorry parents for being a daughter who is different from what you wanted. I am sorry for not meeting your expectations. Not being the person you so hard tried to make me be. I can't live like this. I love you but I am different. My little sister I am sorry for becoming a bad role model for you too. I've been a good student a daughter but I knew something was still out there that you won't like about me. And now I know. I am scared for you too find out about it. I am worthless. I am stupid, I am nothing good in this world. My parents will hate me for this. I even hate myself for being like this. They it isn't normal but it is normal for me. They just dont get it, they down want to, they know how things apparently have to be and you can't change their minds!

My throat is sore, my eyes and cheeks are red form crying so much. But this old bridge at the outskirt of the city is very calm compared to what is in my mind right now. I won't jump, not thinking about it. No. I still have worth in this world even if I made a supposed sin. My parents would say it is just a faze, it will pass. But I dont think so. Many talk about this as if it is normal, I think it is, it should be. But say that to my parents, I am screwed. I wont tell them for as long a is can keep it a secret. My patience on this is getting low. I think I should just say it and everything will be done. The explosion will happen and I will most likely be kicked out of the house. But where would I go? No idea. Well maybe my best friend could lend me a place in her house for a bit. Her parents love me, so I think this is a valid option.

The greenery around me calms me a bit. Barely any cars pass through this bridge and road, so I am not so worried about anyone finding me here. I am not going to jump. I sat down, dangling my legs over the edge and looking at the flowing river water. It is also calm. Why everything today is calm expect me? The universe doesn't like me at all. My grades are the highest, never got in trouble. Have a best friend, a loving family. My little sister's life seems easier than mine. But I can't compare both of ours as we are in different age stages. I am still order, so a role model for her mostly and if I am a bad one my parents will try to hide it or get rid of the evidence.

I need to calm down. Another panic attack won't do any good for me. Thankfully I dont have much homework to do, so I can come back home a bit later. Besides my parents do work late today and we won't have family dinner like we always have and I am glad for that. I dont want my parents or my sister seeing me being upset. I down want to talk about it to them as they are the main reason behind such emotions of mine. I took out my phone and earphones from my school backpack and turned some music on. Mostly some sad and emotional songs. Fitting for my current mood.

With the music flowing in my ears, my voice began to break into singing. I am not a good singer but again no one is here so there for I can sing my heart out in here. I know almost all the lyrics of the songs in my playlist. I think to someone who would see me right now would think if I am mentally stable or at least I am not okay. I am not right now but this is the way I cope. I can't go to my parents for this especially. I am hiding this secret with me and will do so for a while, I dont know how long will my brain and mouth just decide to say it at one of our family dinners.

The music and the spot also helps me to calm down. This place began like a safe place for me ever since I discovered it two years ago. I never told anyone, even my best friend about this place. The first time I stumbled upon here was when the first time in so long my parents got super mad at me, it was for a test I didn't study for, I forgot it, got the lowest score. Never again I have made the same mistake. And I go here maybe once or twice or more a month. Sometimes to cry like today or just to feel the calmness and the peaceful atmosphere here. Like an escape place. Sometimes I am scared someone I know, my family of best friend would find me here and would think of the worst. Maybe she won't react that badly but my family will interrogate me and make me feel far worse than I already am. I have to suck up my feeling and doubts away from the family, else I will suffer. My parents aren't the bad, just with certain things they are not okay with and sadly I am one of those few things they are not okay with.