Dreadful

Chapter 9

I was seething in anger all day. Luke tried to talk to me, but I brushed him off. "I really don't want to talk about it right now." He seemed to understand, and didn't bring it back up.

I went home and threw on Hollywood Undead, turning the volume on my stereo as loud as it would go. I was so fucking angry. I was angry that he was obviously slipping. I was angry that he didn't turn to me. I was angry that he refused to speak to me. I was angry that he was jealous over a stupid friend, and a stupid concert. The anger welled inside of me, and I started throwing my books against the wall, anything to vent this painful feeling. In the past... I would have cut myself... but I knew that it would make things worse between us. At some point, I broke into tears, falling to the floor, books laying in disarray around me. Damn, Niko. What is wrong?

That's when I saw Niko's discarded shirt laying on my floor. I picked it up, cradling it in my arms. That night seemed so long ago...

"Fuck!" My eyes shot open and I stopped crying immediately. My heart pounded in fear. I dropped the shirt and fumbled for my first aid kit before running out the door. I'm a fucking idiot! It was so obvious! His trigger... it must stem from his dad. That's when it started back up... and of course he didn't come to me, it's too hard to go to someone else. He was the one that found me when I was slipping... And I'm the idiot who couldn't find him when he needed me most.

I started crying again when I tried calling him and he wouldn't answer. Damn it! I remembered what he said to me that first night... "It's not enough... Is it?" I panicked as I wondered if he had hit that point... that point where it wasn't enough. He had been shaking today... I was wrong to assume it was because he was angry. He needed me and I really hoped I wasn't too late.

I couldn't just barge into their house, so I begged Hannah for Yuri's number and called him frantically. When he finally picked up, I was relieved. "Yuri, I need to see Niko, now!" He didn't ask me why, he seemed to just know.

Niko's door was locked, so Yuri kicked it in. He let me pass, and closed the door again. "If you need me, call. Otherwise... I'll keep Dad out of this." Thank you.

The room was filled with heavy smoke, making my head buzz. I found him on the couch, stoned out of his mind. He was only wearing his boxers and a shirt... for a good reason. He had started at his thigh, and I saw a thick, bleeding gash there, the blood oozing onto the couch. But the worst part was, he had just started on a wrist... and it wasn't shallow. "Niko!" I screamed and ran to him, taking the blade from his hand. He seemed to finally notice I was there but didn't fight me. He only looked at me with dull, hazy eyes. It's not too late. It's not too late. He was bleeding profusely, but it wasn't too much... yet. I could handle this.... We could handle this.

I threw my first aid kit on the table, knocking off anything that may have been on it. I ripped out a long strip of gauze and quickly wrapped it tightly around his wrist to stop the bleeding. I can stitch it up later. I attempted to clean the gash on his thigh, and when I could do no more, I bandaged it. I quickly inspected him, barely aware that I was still crying. When I was finally sure that he hadn't cut anywhere else, I sighed.

"Oh god... Niko..." I took his face in my hands, looking into his eyes. Maybe... he could see me... but he didn't show any reaction. Crying, I held him to my chest and buried my face in his hair. It wasn't too late. It wasn't too late. It wasn't too late.

A long time passed, and I knew I needed to stay with him. I sent a text to my parents, telling them I would be staying over at Hannah's. After I felt sure that the bleeding had slowed, I removed the sloppy bandages. I carefully stitched up both wounds, and was surprised that he didn't even flinch under the needle. After re-bandaging him, I moved him to the bed. I didn't worry about the blood staining the couch.

As I lay with him, cradling him in my arms... I realized how much I cared for him. I don't know when it started... or how it grew... but I knew... I loved him. I was in love with Niko. I could only hold him close to me, and hoped he would soon come out of his comatose state. "I love you... I'm so sorry... I love you..." I'm not sure what all I whispered to him in my fervor... But he didn't reply.

...

"Michelle." It was but a whisper in my sleep, but I knew it was real. A brush of warm lips against my forehead, and I began to wake up. "Ni... ko..." His lips brushed softly against mine, a feeling that I missed. "Are you o..." His tongue delved into my mouth, soft and reassuring. He was weak, I could tell, but he was also tender on purpose. Somehow... I knew this was his "thank you".

His touches were soft and loving, and somehow he removed my clothes... but I have no memory of that. He lay beside me, leaning on his unmarred thigh. He lifted my leg, and slid it around his waist. His fingers ran up my thighs, sending shivers to my toes. His erection was loose, and pressed gently between my legs. It felt so right... but surely this would hurt him. "No... you'll hurt yourse..." It was obvious he didn't care about his pain when he stopped my lips with his and gently pushed himself inside me. I exhaled heavily, arching myself towards him.

I refused to let him strain himself. We moved in a slow, painful pace, barely moving against the sheets. I don't know what was better... the loving feeling inside me, the closeness of his skin to mine, or the sensual love we were making. We didn't speak. We seemed to communicate perfectly with our mingling breaths and gentle touches.

Our bodies spent, we slept together silently in the twisted sheets.