Dreadful

Chapter 4

Hannah blamed me for her lack of sleep. Apparently, she had been trying to call Yuri for most of the night, but he refused to answer his phone. With everything that had happened... I didn't get much sleep either. "Do we really have to go to school today?" Hannah glared at me while she sipped her coffee. "I'll take that as a "yes"." Sighing, I removed Niko's shirt and stuffed it in my backpack without looking at it. Maybe I would look at it when Hannah wasn't watching my every move... I bandaged my wrist and put on my discarded wrist guard I found on Hannah's floor. Hannah lent me some clothes so I wouldn't have to go home to change.

...

"Good morning, everyone!" I greeted the classroom as usual, and followed Hannah to our seats. Nancy greeted us enthusiastically, and I replied with my usual, fake, smile. This was going to be a long day...

I moved to sit down, but the seat was kicked from under me and I tumbled to the ground. I lost my cool, dropping my happy façade. "What the hell?" I growled at the unknown perpetrator. Whipping my head around, I saw Niko smirking at me. "Don't start the day off being a fake..."

"You jerk!" I shouted at him a bit more, and punched him lightly in the arm. I don't know what it was, but after we exchanged insulting comments, I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Smiling a real smile, I took my seat and waited for the day to begin.

...

It took a while before I could learn to be normal around my friends. When I slipped into routine, Niko would do something to make me angry and forget trying to be "perfect". It was awkward at first, every time I didn't plaster a smile on my face, they would ask me if something was wrong. Eventually, they got the point that I was just... different than I used to be. After a couple weeks, Nancy became distant from me. It was like she didn't know how to act around me anymore. It hurt... but I wasn't going to pretend to be something just to make her feel better.

Today... she sat by Anna. Nancy didn't even greet me. She just walked past me, straight to Anna. I could hear them laughing, and I wanted to cry. Without a word, I walked out of the classroom into the hall. Gasping, I tried to breathe and calm myself, as I sank to the floor. It was building up inside me... wanting to burst... I pushed up my wrist guard and started scratching my wrist, anything to lessen the pain inside me...

I didn't notice him until he grabbed my hands and held them apart. My wrist was red, but I hadn't managed to draw any blood yet. "No!" I shouted at the person without looking him, and tried to escape his grasp. He held me firmly until I could breathe and look up at him.

It was Niko.

I started crying, not knowing what else to do. His grip on my wrists softened, but he didn't let go. "I told you to come to me." Ashamed, I couldn't look him in the eyes. "At school...?" He allowed me a moment before pulling me to my feet. I followed him without question, allowing him to lead me into a dark corner of the hall. He slipped a joint out of his pocket and lit it, taking the first hit. Fuck.

I was nervous... Should we really be doing this at school? My anxieties faded when I met his eyes... his piercing hazel eyes... that knew I needed something. I hesitated before taking it from him. "Okay..."

...

After I had calmed down, we were going to return to class. Since I had left before Niko, I was going to return first. Before I could leave, he unabashedly fished my cell phone out of my pocket and saved his number in it. "Don't wait so long next time. Having attacks at school will get you noticed." He handed it back to me, and I didn't bother looking at it. "Yeah, I know..."

As I walked back to class, I wondered about Niko. Had he been caught having an attack at school before? I suppose it was possible, but it would be hard to notice since he cut in such a private place.

I entered the classroom silently. Nobody asked any questions, since it was obvious I had been crying. Hannah glanced at me when I sat down, and I knew she could smell it on me. The look on her face was disapproving, but she didn't voice it. Maybe she knew I had only one other choice... When Niko finally came back to class, I saw Hannah send imaginary daggers at him, and I wanted to laugh. Holding myself back, I only smiled at her and squeezed her hand.