WORK IN PROGRESS: Shattered Love (Unedited)

9. Anne

Some people say complicated situations tend to happen one after another. Like the waves of the ocean.

I'm not sure it that's a fact, but it seemed like a reality in my present. I just lived a devastating situation we're I learned my husband was in a relationship with someone else, despite him saying otherwise.

I thought it was the worse thing that could happen to anyone, but I was just realizing how mistaken I was.

I realized I was alone. My relationship with my parents was distant, because I couldn't bear to be near their fucked-up dynamic, so we I avoided being in their presence at all costs.

I had my job, and it was my motor at the moment, saving me without a doubt, but people collaborating with me were my two employees. My relationship was professional and even though they were nice people, we were not close.

Dina, friend and I didn't see each other much after I opened my own firm, and our communication was entertaining, yet trivial. She was still married with Aaron but he went to another company shortly after Kyle and I became an item and even though we still saw them, it was not the same. Definitely not close enough to tell her my sad life momentum.

So, while I sat on bed, contemplating how fucking depressing my reality was, I felt also a spark of energy inside of me.

Yes, my marriage was coming to an inevitable end, and yes, I wasn't the one having an affair. But my loneliness had nothing to do with it. I kept people at bay, with the intention of not getting hurt and feeling vulnerable. I thought I was protecting myself and avoiding suffering.

Turns out, suffering a betrayal and not being able to lean on anyone, was even more hurtful than I ever imagined.

I was remembering a reel of an interview that Jane Fonda, the actress, gave and where she expressed how important girl friends were. "Women look at each other eye to eye, heart to heart. We ask for help when we need it. We put our arms around each other and say, 'I'm hurting. I need help. Help me.' You know, there was a medical study done at Harvard that showed that lack of women friendship was as bad for their health as smoking."

Her words stuck with me, and now they were playing on a loop through my brain, reminding me how much I set myself apart from anyone and how I was regretting doing it.

"I can't believe it took that asshole to cheat on me, just to understand how miserable I have made myself, by keeping everyone at arm's length" I said aloud, to no one in particular but feeling better just by expressing myself.

I have had several days of feeling like shit, throwing a pity party about my situation and cursing Kyle's name constantly, since he kept calling and calling, reminding me of his existence even more than I remembered by myself.

It was time for a plan. I was going to look for a lawyer that could help me with the divorce process, and I was also going to look for a therapist. Note to self: avoid life coaches.

I was sad, and I blamed Kyle for his decisions, but I was becoming aware of how I got myself here. How I pushed away everyone to avoid a path that funnily, I was just going through anyway, but without anyone to lean on.

Kyle was the person I was closest to, but I started to recognize that there was a tiny part that never quite open to him, or anyone for that matter. It was hard to admit, but it also felt terribly liberating.

I couldn't change how things happened, but I could do something about them, in a way that was positive and that made me feel better about my choices.

I took a deep breath, and headed towards the bathroom, were I took a quick shower. I got dressed, selecting an outfit that made me feel powerful, but also good about myself, so my favorite jeans, a cool white t-shirt and a fluorescent blazer, with golden necklaces and lots of bracelets were the best choice.

I cooked myself breakfast, and while I was drinking my green smoothie sitting on the bar, I grabbed my phone and started looking for a lawyer. I checked out various names, but chose a woman named Juliette Danvers. I liked her Instagram, since it was the perfect balance between professional and a bit of personal life.

She seemed like she could be friendly, but also made very clear she knew her craft, with videos and reels full of legal advices, mainly aimed for women. Something made me feel that she was trustful and I decided she was the ideal one.

Next thing, I was looking for my future therapist. Without intending to, I also chose a woman. She was a recommendation out of someone on my Facebook, and I also liked what I saw about her in her professional profile and social media accounts.

Both of them were able to meet with me this week, so I felt it was a great sign. It was time to go to a work appointment, but my spirit was way higher that it had been lately and that made me hopeful.

I was not only the consequence of someone else's choices or the result of my poor ones. I was in charge of myself and what would happen next.

As I left my building, I even smiled.