WORK IN PROGRESS: Shattered Love (Unedited)

10. Kyle

I was sitting down in my office, in front of my desk and staring at nothing, while I was absently thinking how the fuck my life has got to this point. Your fault, dude.

I knew I've made choices that led me to this hideous present and it didn't matter how fucking hard I was trying to change it, it kept being the same sad reality. I destroyed my heart, the love of my life and I couldn't go back and punch myself in the dick before fucking everything up.

Panic attacks started to happen once again. The guilt and my inner punishing voice kept me in a vicious cycle that was all about me paying the price of what I had done between feeling a deep heartache and physical illness during and after every panic attack.

Reliving the moment when Annie was on her hands and knees while something distasteful and gross happened in front of her eyes had me constantly feeling nauseous and that taking a toll on me. I felt like shit. Sure as hell looked like one too. You deserve it.

My days were passing in a blur, where I was able to place a minimum effort in my job, and still rocking it, so at least, people around me did not sense the major fuck up my life was. That was a fucking breather, and for that I was grateful. Ironic, since you let yourself become this pathetic.

I was pulled out of my self-pity when my assistant announced on the inter-come that my appointment just arrived. I didn't remember anything about the meeting, but lately, didn't pay much attention to what was going around me so I told her to send them in.

My day became shittier the moment Jenna appeared through the door and shut it against behind her. She was wearing the same professional outfits she usually did. It reminded me the first day I met her, except for the anxious way she kept moving a ring she had on one of her thumbs. Her face reflected anxiety and her eyes were expressive and sad.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I snarled. She flinched at my tone, because even though I didn't raise my voice, every ounce of loathing I felt for both of us, I poured it into those seven words. I knew I was at fault for the clusterfuck that my life was, but I blamed her also. Couldn't help it.

"You were not answering my calls. Neither my messages, or emails and I —" I interrupted her as if she was already done with her stupid justification, "and anyone would think that would give you a fucking hint." I held the bridge of my nose between my fingers, and pressed hard. I was going to have a migraine. Great.

She took a deep breath and her body language told me she was daring to try come closer, but I stopped her before she could move. "Jenna, I don't know what are you up to, and frankly, I don't give a flying fuck. Just get the hell out of here and leave me alone. This is not the place, nor the time."

I never bothered making eye-contact. I made myself busy with the iPad I hadn't used in I don't know how long, hoping she would just vanish. I waited to the sound of a handle moving but it didn't come. I raised my eyes and saw the red rims around her eyes and the sadness her face showed. I didn't want to be such a asshole, but I was beyond caring right now.

"Kye, I'm sorry. I—" "What did you just call me?" I said it as a whisper while I squeezed my eyes, feeling someone was ripping my heart out. Still, the phrase must have been heart because she started talking in a frantic way. "That's how you like to be called right? I heard that Anne called you Kye, and you beamed every time so I assumed—"

I couldn't fucking believe it. The nerve on this woman, who was using the nickname only my wife used, tarnishing it with her voice and her poison. I felt sorry for her showing her sad face, but it evaporated just then.

She was using deeply personal information that she came across while being part of my life in order to use it for her own personal gain. And apparently that gain was me. A connection with me. And it's my fault. How stupid could I be?

"I fell in love with you. I thought that maybe, I don't know. Maybe you were feeling the same?" Fuck. It was on me. I was the smartest guy here and of course I had to know she was developing feelings. I was using her but she was developing feelings! I was a bastard.

"Kyle, please listen to me. I never wanted to hurt you. I admire everything you are and how you are this out-of-the-world guy, who is loving and incredibly smart." She even sounded hopeful, but suddenly, her tone became frantic and she started walking from one side of the office to the other. "I came here to tell you not to worry about Anne. She will get over it and we can be together. I know you and I made sure to give you all you needed emotionally so you could feel happy and realize I was the perfect woman for you!"

While she was ranting, I was feeling like shit for harming one more person, but what she was saying made me stop cold. She gave me what I emotionally needed? She wished to help me realize she was the one?

This was fucking karma. "Jenna, are you for real? I never, and I repeat, NEVER said anything that could have hint you towards thinking that. I always talked to you about Annie, about my love for her. My dreams and feelings that always involved her—"
She screamed, interrupting me. "But you trusted me! I was the one you chose for sharing all your hurts and fears. I was the one you were leaning on for feeling better, and that means something, even if you're trying to deny it. You enjoyed the way I shared my life and feelings with you as well! You told me, and I also noticed it. Because I know you, all of you. The good and shiny, and the things you don't love about yourself."

And she was right. She helped me feel flawless, and I became addicted to it. That's why I didn't stop the interaction. She was to blame, but definitely I was there with her. "Jenna. Listen to me. Yes, I was trusting your professional help. You advised me to spare my wife the nightmare of dealing with someone with so much baggage. I trusted your words and your guidance. I liked the admiration and all the bullshit you gave me to hook me to your presence in my life. But that's the part I cannot fucking believe you used it to your advantage and I just fell into it! I lost the most precious thing I had in my life and you appear hoping that I would thank you? After I literally ignored you and asked for you to be removed from my professional life? You have to be fucking dense!"

She started sobbing at some point during my speech, but she was blatantly crying, covering her mouth with one hand and closing her eyes as if my words were slaying her.

I couldn't continue with this conversation. I didn't want her presence nor her existence near me, so I decided that I was done. "You're no longer part of my life in any aspect. I thought your boss already notified you." She gulped and tried to approach once again but I wasn't done. "I was going to allow you to remove yourself with decorum and without ripping apart your reputation, but I guess it was wishful thinking. I'm reporting you with your associates. They need to know how you took advantage of your professional relationship with me and manipulated me in the most blatant way, shattering my life in the process. And I stupidly allowed you." Fuck. Even saying it allowed hurt like a bitch. And I also knew Jenna was not the only responsible, I knew I allowed it.

"I'm not trying to deliberately hurt you, but I'm trying to make myself as clear as possible. Please, leave before I add a restraining order to all the things I just enlisted."

She turned around and opened the door, running while crying and of course, attracting lots of attention. Just what I fucking needed. I grabbed the door and after giving what I wanted to think was a reassuring smile to my working mates, I closed the door. A couple of second later, there was a knock. Thinking it was Jenna again, I opened a bit aggressively, and just when I was about to tell her to leave again, I stopped myself.

There was a young woman in front of me, with an intimidating stance and a smirk that was making me think she heard everything that just transpired. "That was quite an spectacle Mr. Rollins. You're entertaining, I'll give you that."

I didn't know what she meant by that and I couldn't care less. "I'm sorry. I'm sure we don't know each other and I'm not sure how could I be of assistance to you." She went from smirking to full-on smiling and extended her hand for me to shake it. "My name is Juliette Danvers, and I'm here on behalf of my client Anne Winters."

Winters? She was Anne Rodgers. My Annie Rodgers. My wife. But just as if she could read my mind, she continued "I'm here to serve you with divorce papers."